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Monday, January 31, 2011

No Ropes

No Ropes

No ropes?  No problem.

It's no wonder women live longer than men.

Friday, January 28, 2011



Happy Data Privacy Day!  (You can't make that crap up, LOL)  Quick, go hide all of your important stuff!  Give your data the privacy it deserves.

I hope everyone had a great week!  Here's this week's word verification (#21):


-verb, gerund
1. Slang term for the act of collecting taxes
Ex: The gov'ment be all up'n my paycheck, taxin this 'n taxin that.  Shooooot.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Double Up

Double Up

You know... they make longer ladders, too:

Also, I wanna know where I can get some free gas, too.
And I have this award that I'm finally getting around to posting about.  It came from Stephanie over at Seriously??... Reeeally?... ... Seriously?.  If you're into soap shards, shiny poop, and the hidden dangers of singing on Rock Band, then rock on over and check her out!  Er,  . . . um, I mean check her blog out. . . (or whatever floats your boat...)  So here's the award:

I know it's fruity and pink, but I'm secure enough in my man-hood to accept.  I need to share 5 guilty pleasures and pass it on to three other irresistibly sweet bloggers.

1. Miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
2. Starbucks Coffee
3. Watching Naruto
4. Chocolate anything
5. Sleeping in on the weekend

And my three recipients:

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hold It!

Hold It!

This week is quickly turning into safety week.

Monday = don't eat food from modest restaurants.
Tuesday = cross your fingers that gravity doesn't suddenly get stronger.
Today =

First of all, it's funny that idiot #1 is waiting for the idiot #2 to come swinging down with a sledge hammer in the direction of his skull.  Upon closer inspection . . . look at where idiot #2 is standing.  :)


I have an award to dish out today and tomorrow!  Today, I'm about a week behind on this one:  

This is from Kara at Visions unto myself.  She has recently worked her way into my own reading stack.  So... thank for the award, and thank you for making me laugh.  Now, to follow suit, I will also divulge three secrets about myself and pass this on to three others:

1.  I have both Justin Timberlake CD's (as well as the "I'm Lovin' It" single from before he sold it to McDonald's) . . . and I know most of the words.  Before you go publicly denouncing me and un-following my blog, please understand that I don't really go out of my way to listen to them on my iPod, but I don't necessarily skip the songs when they come on during shuffle either.

2.  I like to cook.  I make brownies from scratch, as in eggs, flower, sugar, etc.  No box mix.  And I make a killer apple pie.  It's kind of a family recipe.  One of us (me or my brothers) has to do it.

3.  I want to be a teacher when I retire from my 30 or 40 years of corporate career-hood.  I want to teach Math or English or History.  Actually, it really doesn't matter what.

So here are the three lucky stylish recipients:

1.  Stephanie @ Seriously??...Reeeally?...Seriously?
2.  Tsaritsa @ The Tsaritsa Sez
3.  Kristin @ Diary of KFun

Tuesday, January 25, 2011



If this goes bad, do you think the hard hat is really going to help?

I don't think so.

Monday, January 24, 2011



I've always laughed at funny and/or ignorant signs.  This one made me laugh today.  :)

We all appreciate the honesty, but I think they'd be better off letting the patrons be their own judge.

Friday, January 21, 2011



Happy National Hug Day!  Go grab someone and squeeze 'em like a bear!  Garrrr!

Quick question.  My fiance said I should do a themed week on Dry Humor Daily.  Sounds cool, except I'm drawing a blank on what to do it on.  Any ideas or suggestions?  I'd love to hear.  And I'll give ya a shout out, too.  :)  Thanks in advance!

Have a great weekend.  Here's todays word verification (#20):


1. A house or dwelling which is further away from other houses or dwellings.
Ex:  "My house?  I got a fardig just outside city limits."

2. An excessive distance to tunnel an escape from prison.
Ex: After a fardig from their jail cells, the convicts emerged beyond the outer security fence and fled.  

Thursday, January 20, 2011



The super bowl is coming to town in a couple weeks so everywhere you look, it's football, football, football!  It's never been to Dallas (as far as I know) and let me just say, you could be living under a rock and you'd still know about it.  Everyone, everywhere is trying to sell super bowl stuff.  (Quite frankly, it's already getting old.)

Well, McDonald's stepped up to the plate this week, too, by reviving its 50 McNugget deal for $9.99.  That's right . . . fifty.  Five - zero.  Granted, it's meant for sharing, but . . . this is America.  You know some people could will down those all by themselves.  The number of nuggets isn't what bothers me, though, it's something else: the price.

50 nuggets for 10 bucks comes out to basically twenty cents per nugget.  Now, think about what goes into a nugget: The chicken (supposedly), the cost of feeding and raising that chicken, the transportation cost, the cost of processing it, breading it, freezing it, frying it, and the box to put it in for you.  And let's assume that McDonald's is at least making some profit on each buggit-o'-nuggits.  What's wrong with this picture?

The industry separates chickens into many categories, like broiler, roaster, free range, and squab.  But how does McDonald's get their chicken so cheap?  (That really is a question, I don't know.)  Do they have a special grade of chicken they get?  Like never-sees-the-light-of-day chicken?  Or genetically altered chickens that have breading instead of feathers?  They gotta cut cost somewhere. . .

Well, I can't speak for sure about McDonald's inter-workings and corporate bargaining which allows them to sell nuggets at such a discount, but I do know one thing: they're making a McKilling on  them!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011



What kind of former Starbucks employee would I be if I didn't bring up the "trenta."  (The what-a?)  Trenta.  (Ah, okay.)  Trenta is the latest addition to Starbucks' beverage size offerings.  Behold!

That bad boy on the left there is the Trenta, sized up against the now-paltry Venti.  It doesn't look all that different, right?  It is.  You see, I still have many friends who work there and I got lay eyes on one on Monday, the night before its big debut.  Here's how it went:

Friend:   Hey, Cole, have you heard about the Trenta, yet?
Me:       Yeah, they were testing it in very select markets about a year ago before I left.  Why?
Friend:   Starts tomorrow.  Check it out.  (Friend scuttles to the back and returns with the new cup and hands it to me.)
Me:       Hmm.  (I carefully wrapped my hand and my brain around the wholly American idea of a fifth drink size option.)  Well, it doesn't look that big.
Friend:   Yeah, but look at the Venti.  (No scuttling to the back for this one.  He placed one on the counter less impressively.)
Me:        Oh . . . 
Friend:   Yeah . . .
Me:        Oh my . . .
Friend:   Yeah . . .

Talk about lions, tigers, and bears.  The new Trenta size is obscenely large, 31 ounces to be exact.  Starbucks has been historically good at listening to their consumers' wants and needs, but I think this brushes awfully close to socially and corporately irresponsible.  The only reason it doesn't cross the line is because supposedly, you can only get it filled with iced tea or iced coffee.  But let's face it, people will be asking for the forbidden trenta-sized frappuccinos . . . low-fat of course.  :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Stay Fat

Stay Fat

I was surfing my favorite website for obscure news (MSN) and I found this gem:

So if you can make it past the article about gun rights, the article about congresswoman Giffords being shot by a gun and living, and the article about how Giffords being shot by a gun is somewhat overshadowing an outdated federal holiday concerning a certain civil rights icon who was shot by a gun and didn't live, then you'd see the juiciest of them all.  (It's conveniently circled.)  (And yes, I said MLK's birthday is an outdated holiday.  It's on par with President's Day and Colombus Day.)  Anyway, the gist of the article is this: if you're already overweight, the odds are, you'd be better off staying that way instead of losing the weight.

-I know, shocking.
-So does that mean I can eat yummy delicious Oreo cream sandwiches to my clogged heart's content for as long as we both shall live?
-Well . . . that's a little creepy and I'm not sure what it means, but sure.
-And exercising?  Does that mean I should start training for the next Law and Order marathon?
-Yes, as long as you wear running shorts.

The real gist is this: body fat tends to store nasty pollutants and pesticides like PCBs and DDT.  They supposedly get into body fat by eating overly-processed foods, under-cleaned-chemically-treated foods, and touching public restroom door handles after people who don't wash their hands (or at least two of those reasons).  Well, when you begin to lose significant amounts of that fat, typically by means of diet and exercise, those chemicals get released into your bloodstream.  Subsequently, diseases like hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and coronary heart disease have all been linked to those chemicals, also known as persistent organic pollutants.

Luckily, the article mentions two methods of avoiding these toxins getting into your blood.  First, exercising and sticking to a plant-based diet while losing weight.  And, "of course, not becoming obese in the first place..."  There's a real pearl of wisdom for ya!

Monday, January 17, 2011



To begin, please pardon the dust.  I am slowly, but surely, redesigning and reorganizing Dry Humor Daily.

Now. . . If you watched the Golden Globes last night, you probably saw a preview for this:

First of all . . . WTF?

Second, what are they really pitching?  Johnny Depp or the most-likely-very-forgettable-flop-of-a-movie?  Allow me to shed some historical light on the subject.  If the font size of the main voice actor's name is aaaaaaaaalmost as big as the title of the film, it can't be good.  Why?  Probably because the same portion of the budget for the movie went towards paying that actor (even though that's a joke, it's probably not far off).  That typically means the producers have to cut corners in other places, like screenplay, directing, or marketing.  Judging by how early they're advertising Rango, I'll bet they didn't cut the budget in marketing.  Get where this is going?

(Don't get me wrong, I actually appreciate Johnny Depp as an actor.  I think he acted his resume very well.)

My advice would be to let your five closest friends see it first (no, facebook friends don't count).  And if that never happens, you can check this off of your definitely-do-not-see list.  (You could probably even skip putting it on your list.)

I do have one good thing to say about Rango, though.  Thank goodness it's not in 3-D.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Word Verification #19

Word Verification #19

First off, too bad we don't live in medieval times, because today we would be celebrating this holiday.  (Trust me, you want to see what it is.  Don't worry, it's not a shameless ad or anything.  It really is funny.)

Second, I hope you like my new menu buttons.  I made them from scratch!  :)

And third, for any new readers out there, I like to find funny Captchas and post about them on Fridays.  This is better explained in the the first captcha post.  You should check it out if you need to get up to speed.

So finally, have a good weekend!  Here's today's:


1. And uninteresting and un-entertaining beer-guzzling device

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Have It Your Way

Have It Your Way

I don't really have strong feelings either way about Burger King.  I wouldn't go out of my way for it, but if I was hungry while on a road trip and the only restaurant on the exit sign were Burger King, I'd go.  Their advertisements are kind of cheesy which subtracted a few brownie points.  Then, I saw this sign and they gained some back:

It's both subtle and clever by poking fun at their own slogan and by appearing on a sign which shouldn't be necessary in the first place (because doors aren't all that difficult to figure out).  Now, when you see someone try to push the door, you can't help but think they're just trying to "Have It Their Way."

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

And We're Off!

And We're Off!

As I so briefly mentioned on Monday, my wife-to-be and I finally picked out a date for our wedding.  It will be...

March 27th, 2011

In case the large font didn't make my point, this is very exciting.  It's also very soon.  Normally, I don't think men get too excited about weddings.  (Ironic, isn't it?  Since the guy typically asks the girl in the first place.)  Well, I am stoked.  At first, I had trouble putting into words why, but I've since corralled my thoughts, so here they are:  Top 5 reasons a groom should be excited to be getting married.  (Not necessarily my top 5, but 5 good ones.)

#1 You have the opportunity to spend the rest of your life with the someone who appears to you to be the most wonderful woman in the world.  Your princess, your soul mate, your bride.  (I feel a little obligated to say that one, but I mean it.)

#2 You get a vacation!  And if you have kids (like us), you get to ditch them with grandma and grandpa and go on a vacation.  Any complaints?

#3 You get a discount on your insurance!  Let's face it, driving cars around is not cheap.  Any help we married folk can get is welcome.  (After all, we're going to have to start paying for diapers for all those babies we're gonna be makin'.)

#4 Higher education magically becomes free!  Yep, for some reason, the government will throw buckets of money at you to go to college.  You can go to pretty much any non-football-based college for practically nothing.  (Men, you're gonna need those smarts to learn how to deal with women!)

#5 You can have all the hot, steamy, guiltless . . . um . . . cake you could ever want.  You still gotta work for it, though.

If I missed one, feel free to add it.  :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Ode to the Waiter

Ode to the Waiter

Oh, how a simple, pleasant visit to the grocery store can be so quickly spun awry.  For what reason, you may ask?  The waiters . . . I hate the waiters.

The waiters I loath, however, are not the gentle people who bring good fare and friendliness to my restaurant table.  No.  The aforementioned are quite the opposite.  I'm referring to the parking spot prowlers, the people who cruise the entire lot looking for that one golden space.  You know which spot I'm talking about: the one just beyond the handicap preserve.  Waiters unscrupulously follow exiting shoppers to their vehicles and snatch their soon-to-be vacancy.  I despise getting stuck driving behind one.  What's worse?  When they wait for you. . .

You can practically feel their exhaust breathing down your neck and their glaring lights on the back of your head.  What do you do?  Move faster in fear?  Move slower in spite?  I choose spite.  And I have a few words for all the waiters out there:

You are the cloud for which I have to find the silver lining.

You are the dark side for which I need a bright.

You are the bad ending to a good book.

You are the lump in my pillow and the lumpy pillow that replaced it.

You are the bad apple in the basket and the fly in my soup.

Bottom line, sometimes I'd rather grow my own corn, raise my own chickens, and bake my own breakfast cereal than have someone wait behind me for my spot while I'm loading groceries in my car.  So for the love of all things deli and produce, please, just park a little further and walk.  You probably need it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Stylish Blogger Award

Stylish Blogger Award

I have to start out the week by thanking Jennie over at Well Shut the Front Door!  She made my weekend by bestowing upon Dry Humor Daily the following illustrious accolade:

First of all, I highly recommend metaphorically jumping over to Jennie's blog and reading some posts.  If you're sitting here reading mine, you'll probably like hers, too.  Now, as with most awards, this one comes with a few caveats:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award

So, thanks again, Jennie!

Now, what 7 things can I share about myself which would be mildly amusing.  Hmm...
1. My favorite band of all time is Thrice.  Why?  Great musicians continue to evolve in all aspects of their music making.  Thrice is truly an extraordinary example of this.
2. I like love sushi!  If I could afford it, I would eat sushi at least once every single day.  Sushi, sashimi, rolls, anything.  I particularly like white tuna when I can find it.
3. I don't have any pets, just pet peeves.
4. I'm getting married, soon.  (More on that tomorrow or the next day.)
5. I have more pairs of shoes than my wife-to-be.  (Most of them are remnants from college yesteryears.  I should really give some of those away...)
6. My fiance and I are Scrabble freaks.  (Don't judge.)
7. My fiance and I are going to see Lady GaGa in concert in March.  It was a Christmas present she got and I kind of have to go along, too.  To be completely honest, I'm excited.

Now, to the juicy part, the paying it forward.  Here are 15 7 bloggers with which I'm spreading the love:
1. Melanie's Randomness
2. Colorful Rants
3. Dibbly Fresh
4. Red Pen Inc.
5. Freckles and Fudge
6. Simply Sam
7. Amber LaShell Rants

I was just complaining about an hour ago about how there isn't enough time in one day to do everything I want to do, so I cut the list from 15 to 7.  I know, I know... shame on me.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Word Verification #18

Word Verification #18

In pre-Gregorian calendar days, today would be Christmas!  So . . . merry was-Christmas!

I hope everyone has a good weekend!  Here's a Friday Captcha:


1. A drunken or debaucherous clown

Thursday, January 6, 2011

New Starbucks Logo

New Starbucks Logo

For its 40th birthday, Starbucks revealed that it will be changing its ubiquitous logo:

I worked for Starbucks for about 3 of those 40 years, so for what it's worth, I approve.  I like where this is going.  (Although, I also have to say.  I'm glad they made the freaky double mermaid less obvious but I personally think they should add the . . . um . . . lady parts back in.  Now the hair's in the way.  Just kidding.  Kind of.)

So my random mind got to thinking: what if when we all turned 40, we could change our logos, our names?  What would you change your name to?  Something famous?  Something obscure?  How about Ronald McDonald?  William Clinton?  How about Bree Van De Camp?  Coco Chanel?

Or would you have more of a sense of humor and change your "logo" to something like Richard Banger or Jenny Tull.  Just curious...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Coke Machine

The Coke Machine

 I mentioned in a comment the other day that I'm an avid reader.  Case in point, I've been reading this:

I really enjoy books about any kind of history.  It could be American history, European history, or even, as in this case, the history of a particular company.  I also like books about business and business concepts.  I originally thought that The Coke Machine would fall into the latter category.  In fact, it's both (and I wish it weren't).

The Coke Machine is unfortunately a little biased.  If you can't make out the sub-heading in the picture, it reads, "The dirty truth behind the world's favorite soft drink."  (Not to be confused with "the erotic truth" behind coke.  That's . . . um . . . a story for another day.)  As I mentioned on Monday, opinions are fun, but not at the expense of historical fact.  The problem is: Michael Blanding subtly bashes coke starting with world war one, which is not too long after the beginning.

Now I have a fairly capitalist mindset, and I have to say, if Coke wants to sell cokes in schools, so be it.  If coke wants to pitch Dasani as "enhanced, pure water," then more power to them (no matter how oxymoronic it sounds is...).   If Coke can find a way to oblige their shareholders and make money, then by all means, let 'em.

I don't want to get too far off point, so . . .  Would I recommend this book?  Well, if you can keep an open mind, yes.  If you're a die-hard coke fanatic who thinks they can do no wrong, then you'd be better off skipping it, because yes, coca-cola used to contain cocaine.  Isn't that what you really wanted to know anyway?  :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011



I'm a little short on time, today, so I'm leaving you with one of my "use-when-I-don't-have-enough-time-to-write-a-full-post" posts.

Signs are some of my favorite funnies:

Tee hee!

Monday, January 3, 2011



Opinions are fun!  I have my own, and I enjoy sharing it, but I also enjoy reading others, especially if it can be found on  (Because they're usually so bad easy to pick on.)  The article I found the other day was something along the lines of, "10 Worst Movies in 2010."  The author opened by admitting that it's hardly fair for an individual to decide what the ten worst movies of the year were, but they were getting paid so they did it anyway.  (And who are we kidding, we would find and bash ten crappy movies for a paycheck, too, right?)

I was reading along in the article and anticipated seeing a few that I did, like "The Last Song" and "Backup Plan."  Two movies appeared, however, that I have to publicly disagree with: Kick Ass and Inception.

I'm not going to say much about Kick Ass, other than I enjoyed it and I thought it was original.  The author of the MSN article, however, was appalled by its vulgarity and general distaste.  (If you've seen the movie, you know what they're talking about.)  I told Mandalyn about it.  She also disagreed with the article and added, "well, it's not like you find Kick Ass in the family section at the store."  I couldn't have put it better myself.

Now, Inception.  Am I the only crazy person who really likes this movie?  I think the effects were great, the story is complex (but follow-able), and the acting is good, too.  Bottom line: I could watch Inception a few more times and still understand more of it.

The author of the article didn't like Inception because of the "One last job" story line.  Okay.  I get it.  A lot of movies do this.  But if you think about it, would you really want to see a movie about an every-day-sort-of-job or a fourth-from-last-job?  Probably not.  He also thought Inception was unnecessarily prolonged with the third and fourth levels of dreams.  Whereas it was indeed a long film, I believe it was all necessary.  That being said (and without spoiling anything for anyone), I could have done without the last 15 seconds.  But in the grand scheme of things, what's 15 seconds compared to almost two and a half hours?

So after reading the article, I would agree on 8 of the "10 Worst" accounts.  Don't bother with the likes of Jonah Hex and Sex and the City 2.  Do, however, make time for Inception and Kick Ass.


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