See what else I'm up to > > > >

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Tuesday 6/29


Summer is great, isn’t it?  The weather is beautiful.  We get to cook out and eat hamburgers and hot dogs fresh off the grill.  Sure, it’s hot, but that’s what the pool is for.  And it’s all fun and games until someone steps on a fire ant hill.  Then, the sun goes down and out come the mosquitos… and then the mosquito bites.  (And mosquito bites bite, believe me.)  Well, leave it to me to start wondering.  Ants and mosquitos don’t really ‘bite’ us, per se, so why do we call their annoying, painful inflictions bites?

The truth behind ant bites is probably less-known.  Ants (at least the ones we commonly encounter) don’t leave marks by munching on human victims.  They grab your skin with their pinchers and then swing their gaster (butt) around and sting you…with their stingerThat’s what leaves the itchy mark.  But the mark is still called an ant bite, not an ant sting.  (Even though it stings.)  In reality, it’s both a bite and a sting.  Or a bite, then a sting, to be precise.  Confused yet?  Well, when you catch an ant in the act, what does it look like?  It looks like it’s biting you.  The phrase ant bite just kind of caught on from the beginning and never got shaken. 

I think the ant just doesn’t look mean enough to be considered a stinger.  Bees sting.  Wasps sting.  Scorpions sting.  Compared to that, ants kind of just nibble

Mosquitos don’t have teeth or stingers.  They have a proboscis.  Yet, what do you call the itchy bump left behind?  A bite.  (I guess you could call it a probe, after the proboscis, but that’s a little weird.)  Same question, then.  Why is it called a bite?  Clearly, mosquitos are sucking your blood when they land on you.  In fact, they’re injecting saliva into you at the same time. 

Unfortunately, mosquitos fall into a similar trap as ants.  Their annoying existence doesn’t merit a mean-sounding feeding habit.  We don’t call mosquito bites sinister injections.  We don’t even call them pricks, which is actually pretty close to the needle-like action.  Nope.  It’s a bite.  The English language has hundreds of thousands of words and the best we could come up with was bite. . . and it’s not even that accurate. 

By: S. Cole Garrett

Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday 6/28

Hey everyone.  Soon, I'll be releasing my first fiction novel on for kindle.  In preparation, I decided to test the kindle waters by publishing a collection of articles from Dry Humor Daily.  (And I'm sure glad I did.  I have  a way better idea of what to expect.)  If you want to check it out, then by all means, please do.  Just type "Dry Humor Daily" in the amazon search bar.  I'm pretty sure you'll only get one result.  Anyway, here's a shot of the cover.  Spread the word.  Thanks!

Or you can just click this link.  Dry Humor Daily Volume 1

Friday, June 25, 2010

Friday 6/25


Every once in a while, a situation arises when you need instant credibility about your expertise on some subject.  For instance, say you’re about to jump out of a plane tandem to an experienced parachuting instructor:  (and by the way, you’re scared out of your mind):

“Don’t worry,” he says, “I’ve done this a lot!”
“Oh,” you stutter, “Okaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy…….”  (That’s you being pulled out of a plane.)

You need to trust the tandem skydiver, right?  So he tells you how often he does it: “…a lot,” that is.  And you believe him because he’s done it before.  To you, he’s now credible on some level.  (Of course it doesn’t matter, anyway, because you just jumped out of a plane.)  Kids are experts at this.  The problem is, kids are convincing and they over-exaggerate.  Here’s  a scenario:  Two kids are swinging on a swing set.  One turns to the other and says, “You should flip backwards out of the swing when it’s all the way forward.  It’s easy.  I’ve done it a million times.”  A million times, huh?  If that’s not an expert, I don’t know what is.  The other problem is, kids believe it.  Kids believe almost anything that other credible kids say.

“Let’s climb on top of that slide and jump off the side.  There’s gravel down there.  Trust me, I’ve done it a million times.”

“Let’s ride this pillow down this steep flight of stairs.  Don’t be scared.  I’ve done it a million times!”

“Hey!  Eat this mud pie.  Don’t mind those bugs.  I’ve done it a million times.  It’s safe.”

But this doesn’t translate into adulthood.  A million occurrences of anything is absurd.  So what we do to convey our expertise on something now is to make a more logical proclamation of experience, like a “hundred times” or “a thousand.”  Adults, however, are keen to even these more logical projections.  So how do you fool adults in to believing you when you need it?  Your coworker needs you to help them fill out some form.  You say, “Sure.  I’ve done it countless times.” 

“Countless” is perfect.  Who can question countless?  No one.  Either you’ve filled out that form so many times, you’ve actually lost count or it’s such a menial task that you don’t bother counting because you’ve done it so many times!  Bingo!  Next time you need someone to believe you, throw down a “countless. ‘ Even adults don’t know how to react.

Trust me, I’ve done it a million times!

By: S. Cole Garrett

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Thursday 6/24

I guess I'm driving a point home, here (no pun intended).  You see, product placement doesn't end with movies.  They even infiltrate video games (and even in the form of politics).  Don't like games brainwashing your kids with violence?  How about who to vote for?

I guess that's one way to hide the use of campaign discretionary funds from people who care about campaign discretionary funds.....

By: S. Cole Garrett

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wednesday 6/23

In continuation with yesterday's post, here is an obvious product placement in House.

I know what Dr. House is thinking.  "I'm a PC.  How the heck do you work this stupid thing?"

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Tuesday 6/22

Ad Overload

Product placements annoy me.  There was a time when they were more subliminal and appropriately worked into TV and films.  Nowadays, networks and film producers slap brand marks and logos every place they possibly can for an extra buck.  

It’s everywhere!  For example, Coca-Cola, AT&T, and Ford have all paid millions to co-star in American Idol.  (Yes, co-star).  And do you remember “You’ve Got Mail,” where Tom Hanks meets Meg Ryan?  It should really be called “When AOL meets Starbucks.”  The movie is actually named after AOL’s claim-to-fame tagline and in one scene, Tom Hanks gives you exact instructions on how to order a latte at Starbucks (along with how confidence-building it can be).

Do you think GM helped pay for Transformers?  Um, YES!  All of the Autobots (the good robots) were GM cars.  Funnier still, Megatron (the main antagonist in the series) is a Ford Mustang.  It is laughably inappropriate. 

What movie takes the cake?  Well, have you ever seen The Island?

It’s absolutely packed with product placements, 35 of which were paid for.  Among them were Puma (pictured above), X Box, Speedo, MSN, Aquafina, NFL, Cadillac, Reebok, Budwiser, Land Rover, and so many more.  It’s kind of like watching a 136-minute ad with an Aldous Huxley-esque plot.  And you know what?  I still liked it.

How do I personally enjoy the movie experience in spite of all the blatant sponsorship out there?  In my house, we’ve made a habit of pointing them out when we see them.  It’s kind of a game.  You should try it.  You’ll see just how relentless they can be.  Test your skills on any recent James Bond movie.  Die Another Day is a good one for starters.  Enjoy!

By: S. Cole Garrett

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday 6/21


We all lose socks in the laundry sometimes, don’t we?  I do.  But where do they go?  It’s about as mysteriously unsolved as the Bermuda triangle.  Socks are special, though.  They just as magically almost always turn up after subsequent launderings.  So an equally important question to be asking would be, How do socks ultimately reappear?  Well, I think I finally understand. 

The first reason no one can seem to figure it out is because we’re all asking the wrong question. (Isn’t that the base of all scientific hypotheses?) We want to know where socks go when we lose them and we want to know where they came from when we find them.  The answer, however, is an endless circle.  The process is simple.  Socks are in the drawer, and then they get worn.  Next, they go through the laundry and finally, folded and put back into the drawer.  What we should be asking is, How do they get from the laundry to the drawer?  That’s where they get lost, and that’s the mystery.

Obviously, not all socks get lost.  We’re particularly concerned about the outliers, the few.  Relatively few, actually.  Look no further than the theories behind wormholes.  Wormholes (in theory) can be extremely large like the ones you see in Star Trek, which can send entire space ships careening instantaneously to a different point in the galaxy (or another galaxy).  Or, some wormholes (again, in theory) can be smaller than a pinhead, some even scattered around here on Earth. 

What if one of those smaller-than-a-pinhead-sized wormholes connects your dryer to your sock drawer?  You would never know it.  For the sake of theory, let’s say the wormhole in question is really, really, really small.  So small that only an object the size of a sock would get sucked through.  Then, let’s say the wormhole fluctuates in size, too, so that when it’s not zapping socks around the universe and into your sock drawer, it shrinks to a size too small to affect anything.  Lastly, somehow the wormhole is selective.  (I’m not sure how, but it only likes socks.  I mean, I don’t ever lose my underwear or shirts.  Just socks.) 

What about time?  If a wormhole is whirling my socks instantly to my drawer, how come they aren’t there right after I start the dryer?  We’ll just assume that wormholes also bend time as well as space.  It might take the sock a half second to zip to my drawer, but in my perception of time, it has been a week.

So Voila!  A very loose construction of a theory explaining the mystery of temporarily disappearing socks.  Like I said before, it’s just a theory and we might never know if it were true or even possible. 

By: S. Cole Garrett

Friday, June 18, 2010

Friday 6/18

Devilish Looks

Lately, I have been catching up on movies I’ve somehow avoided up until now.  (Either I’ve been too busy, or too young when they first came out, or not even born yet.)  Most of them I am happy to have sat down to.  Others, I wish I had continued to miss.  Well, I just watched The Devil’s Advocate.  Keanu Reeves plays the southern lawyer who never looses and Al Pacino is the nefarious lord of the underworld. 

So, in usual form for me, I got to wondering (I know, that can be dangerous).  Is it a compliment to be cast as the devil?  Or is it a round-about way for someone to tell someone they have that evil look?

I’ve decided there are at least 3 different types of devils on the silver screen.  There is the kind where you paint the actor red, give him some horns and a pitch fork and voila!  Beelzebub!  It doesn’t really matter what actor you use, because you’re just using them for their voice.  (If you need a shining example, google Tim Curry in Legend.) 

Then, relating to my pondering from earlier, there are the actors cast to play the devil who walks among us.  Could you imagine being the casting director with that job: 

“Hey, Jack Nicholson, you have that devilish grin.  Wanna be Satan?  We’re doing The Witches of Eastwick.  It’s a hell of an opportunity!”

“Hi, Robert DeNiro.  We need a Prince of Darkness for Angel Heart.  You in?  Come on, Mickey Rourke already said yes!”

“Psst, Al Pacino.  We need a Lucifer for The Devil’s Advocate.  You can even keep your New York accent.  Whaddya say?”  Then he throws his arms up and says, “When do I start?”

I said there was a third type of devil in movies.  It’s a special type which we definitely need more of (See Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled).  One per year would be nice! J

By: S. Cole Garrett

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thursday 6/17

Oil Still

America lives on disasters.  It’s a vicious cycle.  A disaster or an outbreak occurs, followed by some degree of panic.  Then, all the blaming fingers start pointing.  Then we realize it’s probably no one entity’s fault.  Things start to settle and we all forget we were even worried.  Finally, we twiddle our thumbs until the next round.  It’s sickeningly benign, in retrospect.

Unless you’re living under a rock, you’re obviously aware of the currently clamored-about catastrophe: the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  (It’s more like an oil spew if you ask me.  I mean, see for yourself.)

Right now, America is somewhere between panic and pointing fingers.  Today, a BP executive is being grilled in a congressional hearing.  Also, I’ve been hearing a lot of this, lately: “Gas prices are going to be increasing as a result of this.”  (That’s the panic part.)

First of all, BP CEO Tony Hayward is in the congressional hot seat today.  Poor guy.  I understand that he’s responsible, in a way, for all of the going-ons within his company, but I don’t think all of the grilling he’s going to get in the hearing is going to solve the problem.  (They’ve already got Kevin Costner and his oil separating machines on the job, what more could they want?  Miley Cyrus cleaning seagulls?)

And, everyone needs to stop worrying about gas prices.  Removing the oil production of the Gulf of Mexico from America’s oil portfolio (or portf-oil-io) would make an unnoticeable dent in our supply.  Gas prices are only going to up this summer because, well, it’s summer.  It happens every summer, in case you haven’t noticed (especially around Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day, the usual price hike holidays.)

It could be worse.  If the oil refineries on shore had blown up or something, then we’d be in trouble and walking to work.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wednesday 6/16


Does anyone really know the odds off getting struck by lightning?  Nah, probably not.  And are those odds really better than winning the lottery?  Nah, probably not.  And in any case, aren’t there infinitely too many variables to even keep up with in order to determine just how astronomical those odds are?  Yeah, probably so.  The fact is, is that it doesn’t take much poking around the internet to see how inconsistent the claims are.  I went ahead and did all the work for you.  Here’s the useful truth:


The simplest way to determine your odds of being stuck by lightning in any given year is to take the United States Population and divide it by the number of lightning strikes in the United States that year.  So you’ll find a fairly common number somewhere around 1 in 500,000 or so.  (Some are as high as 1 in 900,000 or 1,000,000.  Some as low as 240,000).  Obviously that’s quite a range, but you get the idea.  No matter what the odds, no one really wants it to be them.

My advice?  Go live in Hawaii, New Hampshire, Washington, Alaska, Delaware, or D.C. where there are no recorded deaths-by-lightning in the books.  (And I hear Hawaii is nice this time of year.)  Does that help you at all?  Not me.  Not here in Texas.  As for the other 45 states, well, don’t go swimming in a lightning storm.  Just go inside.  (And no, you’re car doesn’t count.  And who swims in the rain anyway?)  The almost surefire way to not die by lightning: don’t do anything stupid.


I could throw math at you all day for this one.  Basically, winning the jackpot lottery in most states is give or take 1 in 80,000,000.  The multi-state lotteries are depressingly worse than that.  (Those facts don’t sway too many players, however, because governments still bring in billions per year selling tickets.)  (Maybe we could have a national lottery.  Then we could etch away at that multi-trillion dollar debt…just a thought). 

My advice?  Try a 401k instead.

BUT if you must, then there’s only one way to win when the odds are 134,435,197 to 1.  Buy 134,435,197 different tickets.  (Then, you don’t need luck.)  So…good luck with that!

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tuesday 6/15

Save Water?

Have you seen the billboards and magazine ads about conserving water while doing yard work?  I’m talking about the ones that say:

“Sweep me, don’t drown me.”
                        ~Your Sidewalk

“I’m a lawn, not a pool.”
                        ~Your Yard

Sometimes, they’re even accompanied by a dramatically over-watered yard, like so:

Now, there’s actually a commercial telling you not to waste water in the yard or on the sidewalk, sponsored by the same people.  It shows a homeowner (an actor) spraying off his sidewalk and one of the sprinkler heads in his lawn is broken.  Then he steps over near his garden and his yard is flooded and muddy.  Yuck.

Here’s my question: wouldn’t they have had to waste a lot of water just to make that commercial?  It’s not like they caught a water-wasting despot on tape and used it.  No, it’s staged.  They wasted water in order to tell you not to waste water.  Hmm.  Print ads are cool, because you only have to kill trees for those, but then again, those aren’t telling us to conserve paper either. 

Come on, underpaid-water-conservation-advertising-company, don’t you know hypocrisy doesn’t sell?

By: S. Cole Garrett

Friday, June 11, 2010

Friday 6/11


I don’t have a navigation system in my car.  I do, however, have my general good sense of direction and, of course, my male instincts, but not a portable electronic one to paste to my windshield.  I either know where to go or I look at a map (old fashioned, huh?  Not so fast…).  Well, nowadays the map has moved online.  I usually just print mapquest or google maps before I go somewhere unfamiliar and voila!  No need for the fancy, British accent telling me where to turn.  Online maps, as advanced as they are, still seem to overlook a few things.  Here are some features that should be available that aren’t yet.

#1  “Start on Step 5”
Online maps are so specific, they tell you how to get out of your own neighborhood.  “Step 1, Back Out of Driveway.”  “Step 2, Go Straight on Your Street to the End of it.”  I think we can all get that far without help.  Unfortunately, that might be assuming too much for some people. 

#2  “Avoid Ghetto”
Have you ever taken directions from an online map and end up driving down a street where even police officers don’t go?  I have.  And then wonder if you should start calling relatives to say some last goodbyes in case you don’t make it out alive?  Quite possibly, yes.  Don’t you wish you could know ahead of time so you could go around?  I do. 

#3  “Avoid School Zones”
I’m all for our kids’ safety, I just hate driving so slooooooooow!  Sometimes, I feel like I’d rather be riding molasses down a tree in January!  Or watching the evolution of primordial ooze into protozoa.  I know there are ways to get around school zones.  Online maps can usually tell us where every McDonald’s and Starbucks is, so they should be able to help us avoid mind-numbingly slow school zones, too.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Thursday 6/10


When all of the birds fly south for the winter, they fly here, to Texas.  Any street corner that time of year which is home to at least one fast food restaurant looks something like this.

Don’t forget to shut your sun roof and roll up your windows!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday 6/9

This is an older post that got good feedback.  Enjoy!  (In case you missed it the first time around.)

Flat Line

Few incidents in life carry the potential to elicit as wide of an array of emotions as road kill.  It can be downright tragic and in other instances, wildly funny, but why?  And where do we draw the line?  For most of us, the accidental auto-slaughter of a golden retriever is heartbreaking whereas the tire-ironing of a common bullfrog may not be.  In fact, depending on the position of the poor frog, possibly arms and legs out-stretched, it may actually be funny.  For those who think all road kill is tragic, there is still an arguable range of sadness.  Surely, a family pet death evokes stronger emotion than that of a pan-caked raccoon. 

So what exactly is the spectrum of sadness involving road kill?  At first glance, it seems very straight forward.  Give anyone a list of animals and ask them to order them from comic to tragic.  With slight subjectivity, a collection of these lists would turn out very similarly.  We can all agree that the inadvertent expired existence of a human being is by far more depressing than a flattened field mouse.  A linear pattern certainly exists, but it’s more complicated than that.

Add a second dimension to the same question: the gore factor.  Clearly, some road kill is more gut-wrenching to observe than others.  Revisit the frog.  A paper thin amphibian with no entrails in sight most likely won’t make one avert their eyes.  What may be difficult for some is the suspension of laughter.  A poor, pulverized pit bull is not so funny.  Ask the same group of people to rate goriness and the results would probably be even more similar.  We now have a planar representation within which to plot our road kill emotional state.  If only it were that easy.

Our understanding could be enhanced with a third dimension, a fourth, a fifth, and so on.  Without going into much detail, we’ll hit a few of them.  There is the quantity factor.  For example, if one finds a paved possum humorous, then no doubt, two would be doubly so.  There is the delayed reaction factor.  Think skunk.  There are a multitude of others, blurring the delineation between comedy and tragedy:  the eye-contact factor, the trajectory factor, personal taste (maybe you hate Chihuahuas), the tread factor, the exotic factor, the collateral damage quotient, and etcetera.  Use your imagination. 

You will have to decide for yourself what tickles you and what doesn’t.  So for every squashed squirrel, Panini-ed pigeon, tread-ridden turtle, steam-rolled stray, and waffled weasel, laugh appropriately and mourn when meaningful.  Just be glad it wasn’t you.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tuesday 6/8

Blogger was down much of the day, yesterday, so I was never able to get around to posting.  (Their server must have hit the 'snooze' button one too many times.)  But here's today's:

Wet Roads

I was watching one of my favorite movies recently and something caught my eye.  The good guys were chasing the bad guy down an alley (classic, huh?), and I noticed the pavement was all wet.  It hadn’t been raining, though.  I turned to my girlfriend and made a comment about it.  Her response was something along the lines of:

“Well, duh.  Streets are always wet in movies.  Everybody knows that.”

Well, everybody but me.  And you know what?  She’s right.

(It took a long time to find this picture, by the way.  It’s not a very search-friendly set of keywords.)  Now I can’t sit through a movie without looking for the doused driveways and soaked streets.  Wet roads are just a bit of movie know-how that has never reached me until now. 

The more I notice it, the more I realize just how much better certain scenes are with a sheet of water on the road.  Foot chases are better when feet go splashing through puddles.  Car chases are enhanced with some slipping and sliding (maybe some extra crashing, too).  And the bright-lit streets of New York just look good soaked.  (I think New York is the wettest city in showbiz.) 

So keep an eye out.  If you’re like me, you won’t be able to help but to see it (and expect it) every time you watch a movie. 

By: S. Cole Garrett

Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday 6/4

Lookin' Sharp

And here I thought scissors that could cut pennies were cool…

(Yes, this was a real advertisement.) 
(And yes, it's pretty cool.)

By: S. Cole Garrett

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thursday 6/3

Clobberin’ Time!

I have a confession: 

When I’m driving down the street, I like to hit stray trash with my car. 

Yep.  There’s some sort of instinctual rush from clobbering coke cans and smashing slurpie cups!  Then after a direct hit, you can look into the rearview and say to yourself, “yeah, I showed that can a thing or two” as it ferociously tumbles away.  Well, as you probably know, there are plenty of worthy targets blowing around our streets, but there are definitely some no-no’s as well.  Here’s a brief list:

Cans:  Anything you smash on your head in times of debauchery is a candidate for a highway run-down.  Cans are meant to be flattened.  So when you obliterate one with your car, think of yourself as doing a favor for the recycling plant it might someday end up at. 

Styrofoam:  Cups or coolers, it doesn’t matter.  Styrofoam practically explodes when pounded at 70 mph!  I agree that smashing one big piece of garbage that doesn’t biodegrade into a million tiny pieces of garbage that don’t biodegrade is probably not good for the environment.  It’s ok, though, our tax dollars will come around and pick all those pieces up eventually.

Bottles:  20oz bottles are the best!  They practically roll right under your wheels!  They want to be demolished.  Well, I say, do it.  Race on over the next one that crosses you and POW!!!  KABLOOEY!!!  If you’re lucky, you’ll hit it with both wheels.  Then you can watch it soooooar into the median or off to the side of the road.  The only unfortunate thing about bottles is that there aren’t enough of them rolling around out there to hit.

Here is another brief list of things to definitely avoid:

People, live animals, dead animals, boards with protruding nails (or screws), dolls (because that’s just sad), glass bottles, diapers, plastic grocery bags, ladders, and full garbage bags.

To the best of my knowledge, you can’t get a ticket for removing objects from the freeway.  So until then, make driving fun.  Hit stuff!

By: S. Cole Garrett 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wednesday 6/2

Fad Water

Most fads are easy to spot.  Things like big hair from the 80s and more recently, crocks shoes, are disappointingly popular.  In retrospect, no one can figure out why.  Some fads, however, are harder to recognize than others, especially when we’re right in the middle of them.  Here’s a good one:

Vitamin-enriched water.  It’s not just the Vitamin Water brand, either.  Sobe has one, too.  Propel is another one.  You may or may not have heard of Vitamin Water’s most direct competition: V Water.  (V meaning ‘Vitamin’).

It’s kind of a weird thing to be sweeping the nation.  Water.  It makes sense, though.  Americans are always looking for the easy way out.  Who needs wholesome fruits and vegetables and whole grain breads when we have enriched water?  Just guzzle a couple of these bad boys every day and you can skip straight to the burgers and fries because you’ve already had your vitamin intake for the day, right?  Sure, just run that by your doctor. 

The problem is that a lot of people think that.  Vitamin-enriched waters are usually zero calories.  And since those precious calories no longer need to be wasted on salad and veggie subs, there’s more room for Snickers and cheese balls.  Yum. 

If you haven’t noticed this fad yet, take a look at the grocery store, next time you go.  The enriched water section is almost as big as the regular bottled water section.  Buy it, try it, then turn that page of history so we can move on to the next big thing.  Maybe erasable pens will make a comeback.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Tuesday 6/1


I know you’re probably sick of hearing about the oil spill, but hey, it’s kind of close to home.  So I thought I’d take a stab at it.  First off, oil spills are not funny.  Second, the subsequent destruction of wildlife and natural habitats isn’t funny either.  However, the reporters who get stuck covering the story who don’t know the first thing about a disaster like this are funny. 

Here’s a picture of what the oil spill looked like on the news just after an attempt was made to patch it:

The reporter on the local news said:

“Experts say that what’s still leaking is either oil, mud, or a mixture of both.”

Oh really?  Well I’m an expert, too, then.  I’m pretty sure it’s not kool-aid spewing out of there!  I realize that the reporter was probably just reading from a teleprompter, but I’m not sure he even realized how goofy it sounded.  If he did, then he sure can keep a straight face!  Either way, he shouldn’t quit his day job.

Take the reporter out of the equation for a second.  Some writer still wrote that and some editor still missed it.  And did an expert really say that?  Are there really experts on this?  Anyway, I’m sure the news stations have tough jobs and they can’t get everything right, but come on!  Let’s leave those mistakes to the weather man.

By: S. Cole Garrett

(c)2012 Dry Humor Daily