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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Ode to the Stove Crevasse

Ode to the Stove Crevasse

What terror lurks hidden between the stove and the neighboring cabinet?

Crumbs?  Most likely.
Resident insects which we'd sooner like to forget?  Possibly.
Or is it something more devious? . . . Who's to say?

Try to recall what you've swept into that black void over time.  It is most certainly a combination of culinary refuse along with the chemicals used to clean it.  A graveyard of exoskeletons: insects which ventured but never returned.  But why?  Why does nothing emerge from that void?

Perhaps an evolutionary experiment carries on among the carrion.  Something evolves down there.  It grows.  And it's omnivorous appetite is endless.  Every niblet of disregarded corn and each stray dehydrated noodle serves to nourish and satisfy the mysterious depth's hunger.  The same fate awaits every splatter of marinara and drop of poultry drippings.  As well, each and every rolled oat, rounded pea, and roasted peanut all stand to feed the anathema in the dark.

But it's never enough . . .

Brush whatever substance you desire into it's gaping mouth.  It is insatiable.  Do you think that's the floor creaking when you walk by your stove?  Think again.  Someone, or something, is hungry. . .

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

D:
..... I'll never enter my kitchen in the dark again....
Thanks.

AmberLaShell said...

wow, i don't know whether to say great post, or thanks dude you freaking scared me you ass.. LOL either way, it did it's job!

check out my blog @ amberlashell.com

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

This post gave me the shivers! :)

Also, thought you'd like to know that today's Red Pen, Inc. post features a picture you sent me! http://tinyurl.com/29yr5qd Enjoy!

StrangeWeapons said...

Just wait until you start hearing mice coming from that direction and you'll really be freaked out....

Jess said...

This felt like a Vincent Price introduction to a horror film. Awesome.

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT832 said...

I found a bunch of used condoms in those nooks and crannies once...That's the last time I leave my roommate alone with her damn boyfriend for a whole weekend.

Bi said...

You know, I just tried to write a really scary zombie story for my blog, and I couldn't. You managed to accomplish this task when talking about the space between the stove and the cabinet. Clearly I need to take some pointers from you!

Cole Garrett said...

@ Grammarphile For about the third time, thanks. And I really mean that.

@ Strangeweapons I sure hope I never hear mice in there. . . I have trouble enough with Texas-sized cockroaches.

@ Jess Thanks. I think. ;-)

@ Thundercat Ew. And... I'm glad you learned your lesson.

@ Bianca Anytime! :)

StephanieC said...

Something about the way "crevasse" looks made me imagine this post with a French accent throughout. lol.

Thank goodness we have shitty vinyl flooring and can't move anything without destroying said flooring, otherwise, I might actually have to find out what lies beneath... mwuah hah hahhhh...

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