Global Huh?

Global Huh?

Global warming advocates are probably reeling right now.  I’ve lived in DFW my whole life and these last two winters have seen more snow than all of the previous winters I’ve seen combined, especially with that thirteen-incher back in February 2010.  It stuck for a week!  Remember Washington D.C. got a record double-blasting, too!  This year, the storm is hitting everyone!  I was never convinced about the idea of global warming, but now I have a radical counter-question.  Is this a global cooling? 

Even after asking that question, my answer is probably ‘no.’  I do believe, however, that the Earth just has some natural cycles and we may just be in the middle of a string of colder winters.  For all we know, we might have just been lucky enough to have all the right weather ingredients to have crippling ice and snow here.  Even further in the back of my mind, I can’t help but return to questioning global warming.  I mean, if it’s snowing in Texas, what’s going on at the North Pole?

Well, Santa’s probably freezing his butt off!  I’m no climatologist (in this life), but behind all of the cold air that brought us snow, there’s got to be even colder air, right?  It’s pretty basic knowledge that the further north you get, the colder it is.  Sometimes, the arctic puffs its cheeks and blows that mess down to Texas.  I see the temperature map of the whole country, and I see thirty-something degrees here, twenty-somethings in Kansas and Nebraska, and single digits inMinnesota.  What’s going on north of that?  They’re probably freezing mercury up there! (That’s a sweltering -37.89۫F, by the way).  I have a hard time believing there’s a whole lot of glacial meltdown going on, (but remember, I’m no climatologist.)

I’m not planning on starting an anti-global-warming rally or anything, just raising questions.  When was the last time you heard about the ozone problem?  I thought the hurricanes were supposed to get worse and worse after 2005.  The 2006 and 2009 hurricane seasons were below average and 2007 and 2008 were average.

Global warming, shmobal warming.  I'm freezing my butt off in DFW with the lowest temperature we've had in like a hundred years or something.

Hot Playground

Hot Playground


Awesome comment-leaver Sarah brought something to my attention yesterday that usually would never cross my mind: how hot it is in December. . . in Texas.  Our high temperature yesterday was 79 degrees, just a week shy of the first day of winter.  But I might not have noticed because 79 is a cool breeze compared to the 107 we hit over the summer this year.  Blah!!!  (Thanks for the cruel reminder of how season-less Texas can be...)

Oddly enough, earlier this year, we had over a foot of snow!  (Back in January, in case you're wondering.)  It was, without a doubt, the most snow I have ever seen in Texas.  In remembrance, here is a photo of the 6 foot snowman we made... It was as tall as me!!!

And this is a picture of a typical Texas playground, covered in snow:

:-P

No Way!

No Way!


A Vietnamese restaurant recently opened up across the street from me.  They mainly serve "Pho" noodle dishes.  The atmosphere is par and the food is decent.  (But then again, it's difficult to screw up Pho.)  What's the point of bringing this up?  Well, the food isn't the funny part.  The name of the establishment is.  Here's a picture of it:

Yep, Pho King Way.  This is something we joked about many times as kids, but never thought it would ever come to fruition.  (I still chuckle sometimes when I drive by.)  Why would I laugh?  Either you already know, or you're about to find out.  It's all in the proper pronunciation.

Pho, even though it looks like it should be pronounced like "foe," is actually pronounced like the "fu" in "fudge."  Now, string together the whole name quickly.  "Pho King Way."  Get it?  I know it's childish, but what can I say?  It was a childhood joke.  Hee hee!

I hope everyone had a good weekend.  It was all too short for me!

Eggnog

Eggnog


Need I say more?

That ain't no Christmas martini.  That's eggnog.  Oooooh yeah!  It's the seasonal beverage of choice here at Dry Humor Daily!  Eggnog is one of the top 5 best things about the period of time between Halloween and New Years.  And it's worth every thick, flavorful, all-around indulging calorie contained within!  (I'm not exactly sure what the other 4 top five best things are, but whatever they are, eggnog is up there with them!)

I'm a fan of Braums eggnog.  It has the best blend of spices in my opinion.  And I make special trips to get it.  (And let me tell you, it is special, because our Braums is a HUGE pain in the butt to get to.)  Anyway, my favorite, however, is the homemade variety of eggnog.  It's hard to find people you know who make it and will let you have some.  It's even harder to make your own batch and find other people who will help you finish it.  Why?  For some reason, folks get grossed out by raw egg yolks.  (You see, store-bought eggnog is most likely less than 1% raw egg.  It's delicious, but not as delicious.)

I don't know why some people make such a fuss about eating raw egg yolks.  At least with eggnog, you can add enough liquor ("nog") to kill any of those harmful, yolk-riding diseases within.  And it makes everyone at the Christmas party a little more social, if you know what I mean!  :)

Small Delivery

Small Delivery


My younger brother took this picture in a nearby neighborhood (You can tell it's local because of the Texas flag street numbers):

So . . . what would you call this while still being politically correct.  "Midget mailbox?"  Nope.  "Dwarven drop box?"  Too offensive.  "Pygmy postal center?"  Still no good.  How about "Post-and-parcel-delivery-receptacle-for-those-who-are-hmm-let's-see-...-the-nicest-way-to-say-vertically-impaired?"  That's it!  (I think we're on to something!)

Blog Awards!

I have received a couple of awards lately!  I am very thankful for them and I happily accept them.  I'll put two of them up today and the other one, tomorrow.

The Versatile Blogger

What can I say?  I'm flattered.  I really do try to keep Dry Humor Daily interesting.  I'm glad someone else thinks so, too.  This is from my blogger friend, Jess.  Thank you for the award and thank you for the nostalgia I often get from reading your blog.

I actually got two of these bad boys.  (Kind of drives a point home, doesn't it?)  I am equally happy for both of them.  This one comes from Cyn, over at Quintessence.  Check out her blog, too.








So now I have to say seven things about myself and then pass on the award to 15 other versatile bloggers.  (This is going to cover for both awards.)

1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are my favorite candy.  More specifically, the small ones.
2. I really like Malcolm Gladwell's books.
3. I'm from Texas (I'm still there, actually) and I play ice hockey on a recreational league.  Weird, huh?
4. I play the piano.  I have been for about as long as I could push a button.
5. My fiance and I are like a mini Brady Bunch.  I have a child from a previous relationship and so does she.
6. I'm a one-beer kind of guy.  I can honestly say that I typically drink pretty much any alcohol for its taste.  My favorite beer?  Fat Tire.
7. I worked for Starbucks for almost 3 years and I was a Coffee Ambassador.  (It's kind of like the Knights of the Round Table, except for coffee.)  Now, I work for a software company.

So about those 15 other bloggers.  I bestow the Versatile Blogger award to the following bloggers.  Check them out.  I don't just put anyone up here.  :)

1. This Freckled Lemonade , 2. Melanie's Randomness , 3. Diary of a Fair Weather Diver , 4. Little Lost Soul , 5. Dibbly Fresh , 6. Inside The Mind of Booya , 7. Arguing With a Donut , 8. From the STUPIDEST Corner of My Mind , 9. Simply Kate , 10. Overserved and Undertall , 11. Mi Vida en Buenos Aires , 12. Northwest Betty , 13. Thank Goodness For The Good Ones , 14. Fantasy Casting , and 15. Red Pen, Inc.

Go Rangers!

Go Rangers!

When I say Rangers, I mean the Texas Rangers as in the MLB team.  They just won their first playoff series ever on Tuesday.  (As embarrassing as it is that it took almost 40 years, it’s still nice to be happy about something.  It’s not coming from the Cowboys.  That’s for sure.)  Good luck versus the Yankees!

I can’t post about all business, so I have to post at least one thing funny.  I’m a little short on time, so I’ll leave you with this picture.  The best part is: it doesn’t need any words.

No No

No No

Geography lesson:  Texas and Mexico share a border of something like 1,200 miles.

Movement lesson:  More people immigrate from Mexico to Texas than from Texas to Mexico.  (Legally or not.)

Linguistics lesson:  We don’t speak the same language!

What happens when two very different cultures start mixing together?  It’s not actually all that bad.  We can go down the street and pick up some amazing (and as far as we know, authentic) Mexican food.  We have Taco Trucks, which are basically like ice cream trucks, except they sell burritos.  Depending on how you look at it, those migrants add to our work force, too! 

This can be good for businesses, as well.  A diverse population is also a diverse market.  (I’m making my way to my point, here.)  And dealing with a multi-lingual market demands some special accommodations.  We have English and Spanish radio stations and billboards.  We have aisles at most grocery stores with many Mexican products and ingredients.  Unfortunately, cultural progression is not immune to ignorance.

I was paying for my groceries at CVS the other day and at some point after I swiped my debit card, I got the usual “Is this the amount you would like to put on your card?” prompt.  Here are your possible selections:

Do you really think that someone who speaks Spanish but not English couldn’t translate “No” without any help?  THEY’RE EVEN SPELLED AND PRONOUNCED EXACTLY THE SAME!  I don’t think it’s assuming too much to omit the second “No” on their credit/debit prompts.  No one is going to be left scratcing their heads without it.

For the record, I’m not really offended on any level.  I just think it’s funny how sometimes accommodation defies common sense.

Thursday 8/19

Heat Wave

It has been hot lately.  And not just any kind of hot.  It has been hot-so-many-days-in-a-row-that-it-might-as-well-just-stay-hot-a-couple-more-days-so-we-can-at-least-set-a-record-or-something hot.  Well, that record is going to have to wait until another year. We had an 18-day streak of 100 degree or more highs.  The official high temperature in DFW yesterday was a measly 96 degrees.  (I know, bummer, right?)  The local meteorologist jokingly assured us, however, that we’ll be right back up there in the triple digits for another seven days or so.  Personally, I don’t think it’s much of a joke.  The record, by the way, was 40 days in a row back in 1980.

So how do you entertain yourself when the heat is so blistering?  Even swimming doesn’t sound very appealing because when it’s this hot, the water becomes warm.  (No thanks.  If I want to take a bath in my swim trunks, I’ll just do it at home.  It’s also less crowded.)  You could stay inside all day and watch crime show marathons.  You could even put on your jogging shorts and running shoes so that it feels more like a marathon. 

Or . . .

Since there’s an almost-national egg recall right now, there is one thing you could do.

Around four in the afternoon, you could run out and cook up some eggs on the sidewalk.  You don’t even need a pan!  Just mist the walkway in some non-stick cooking spray and get crackin’!  I wouldn’t recommend eating them, though.  I’m about 86% sure this doesn’t cook the salmonella out.

 Even though the eggs in your fridge probably don’t have salmonella, I still wouldn’t recommend eating this sidewalk experiment.

Friday 7/30

Don't Mess


Spoken like a true Texan . . .

By: S. Cole Garrett

Wednesday 3/31

Tumbleweed

Every once in a while I see or experience something that reminds me of where I live.   Texas . . .  Fort Worth, in particular, which is where the West begins.  (Dallas is where the East ends, by the way.  Who knows what all that stuff in between is. . .) Well, I was idling at a traffic stop in broad daylight one day when a tumbleweed blew by.  I couldn’t decide if it was a western icon to proud of and marveled at, or if I was watching the butt end of a million jokes roll across my path.

When I think of a tumbleweed, I think barren wasteland, desolation, desert, lonesomeness, cowboy showdowns, good, bad, and ugly.  But when this tumbleweed tumbled, there were no barbed wire fences, boot spurs, or saloons in sight.  Just a gas station, a fast food restaurant, and hybrid cars.  I couldn’t help but laugh to myself.  A tumbleweed. 

A wandering tumbleweed is often a way to punctuate a bad joke or an awkward silence in a movie.  It can be used to symbolize the untamed frontier as well as to poke fun at it.  A tumbleweed spotting is in most cases, a comically random event.  Where do tumbleweeds even come from?

The answer is: lots of places.  Tumbleweed is a behavior, not a specific plant.  Many different types of vegetation can have this effect.  The above-ground part of a plant simply dries up, snaps off and blows away with the next passing breeze.  The “weed,” if you will, gets herded around by the wind and eventually forms a ball shape.  Sometimes they get caught on fences, buildings, and hobos, but for the most part, they just keep on rolling wherever the wind takes them.  So where do they all end up?

Is there a great tumbleweed deposit where the wind stops?  You’d think if they just kept on blowing, they would end up on the coast.  Well, I’ve seen pictures of beaches and I don’t see any tumbleweeds!  I thought maybe they get caught amongst the trees in a forest somewhere, but that doesn’t make sense because there would be a great wall of tumbleweed on one side.  I’ve never seen that either! 

The sobering truth is, a tumbleweed’s journey is probably most often squelched by a rainstorm or by tumbling into a body of water and sinking to the bottom.  I refuse to believe they all end that way, so there must be some mysteriously disappearing survivors out there somewhere.  So take delight in the rare sight of these marvels, for sadly, they are seen by thousands and remembered by none.

By: S. Cole Garrett