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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thursday 4/22

Earth Day

Can you believe we’ve already been doing this for forty years?  Yep.  Earth day was started in 1970 because we, as an American people (full of hippies at the time), needed a shout out to raise conservation awareness!  It was, of course, specifically aimed at the government.  (Apparently, claiming a day is enough to get the government’s attention.)  But what’s it for?  What are you supposed to do?  Well, here’s a guide.  You just need to figure out what group you would most likely be in, and see what they do.

#1 If you were the Earth, you could…
Spin on your axis and orbit the sun.  (That’s not a euphemism, so don’t get any ideas.)  There aren’t too many members of this club, so don’t get excited.

#2 If you were a hippie, you could…
Handcuff yourself to a tree and proclaim your love for nature, wearing bell-bottomed jeans and your favorite, tie-dyed, antique-of-a-T-shirt.  And if someone asks you why you look like a hippie, you could just tell them you’re a Scooby doo fanatic.  (Or tell them the truth, they’re gonna think you’re weird either way.)

#3 If you were a politician, you could…
Announce your big Earth Day plans (none of which involve getting your hands dirty), hoping to gain poll popularity and a good photo op to use in a future election so you can say, “See? I do care about the Earth.”  Then, tomorrow, you can return to lobbying against the Environmental Protection Agency.

#4 If you were a tree, you could…
Stand in your infinite glory, basking in the one day of the year when almost the entire world acknowledges our reliance upon you for the air we breathe and the eternal beauty you radiate upon us!  (Wait, I thought is was Earth Day?  Yeah, well, we sure seem to talk about trees a lot on Earth Day, even though we already have an Arbor Day. . . those trees are day-hogs.)

#5 If you were an average person, you could…
Bake an Earth cake and bring it to the office or throw a party at your house (an environmentally friendly party, of course).  Or if you don’t have time, you could just let this Earth Day slip into the realm of non-historic days to be forever forgotten.  (Kind of like last Thursday.)  Don’t be ashamed if you end up in this group, most of us do.

 Earth Day has probably outlived its purpose.  I mean, it’s not even a bank holiday!  (And I don’t work for a bank, but come on!)  At least now, you’ve given it at least one moment of thought in your mind.  Now, you can go and forget about it for another 364 days.

By: S. Cole Garrett


Boxxy said...

Have you seen the new bio degradeble sun chips bag? its really cool,... i guess. but its really noisy, like, atleast 10X louder than your standard potato chip bag. its not ideal for trying to sneak a midnight snack. of course its great if your super protective of your sun chips, then you would always know when someone eats them.

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