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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thursday 6/3

Clobberin’ Time!

I have a confession: 

When I’m driving down the street, I like to hit stray trash with my car. 

Yep.  There’s some sort of instinctual rush from clobbering coke cans and smashing slurpie cups!  Then after a direct hit, you can look into the rearview and say to yourself, “yeah, I showed that can a thing or two” as it ferociously tumbles away.  Well, as you probably know, there are plenty of worthy targets blowing around our streets, but there are definitely some no-no’s as well.  Here’s a brief list:

Cans:  Anything you smash on your head in times of debauchery is a candidate for a highway run-down.  Cans are meant to be flattened.  So when you obliterate one with your car, think of yourself as doing a favor for the recycling plant it might someday end up at. 

Styrofoam:  Cups or coolers, it doesn’t matter.  Styrofoam practically explodes when pounded at 70 mph!  I agree that smashing one big piece of garbage that doesn’t biodegrade into a million tiny pieces of garbage that don’t biodegrade is probably not good for the environment.  It’s ok, though, our tax dollars will come around and pick all those pieces up eventually.

Bottles:  20oz bottles are the best!  They practically roll right under your wheels!  They want to be demolished.  Well, I say, do it.  Race on over the next one that crosses you and POW!!!  KABLOOEY!!!  If you’re lucky, you’ll hit it with both wheels.  Then you can watch it soooooar into the median or off to the side of the road.  The only unfortunate thing about bottles is that there aren’t enough of them rolling around out there to hit.

Here is another brief list of things to definitely avoid:

People, live animals, dead animals, boards with protruding nails (or screws), dolls (because that’s just sad), glass bottles, diapers, plastic grocery bags, ladders, and full garbage bags.

To the best of my knowledge, you can’t get a ticket for removing objects from the freeway.  So until then, make driving fun.  Hit stuff!

By: S. Cole Garrett 


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