Tuesday 7/6

Not Sure

This question appears when you apply online for a job at a particular nation-wide chain of craft stores.

I just wanna know. . .

WHO CLICKS “I’M NOT SURE”??

The questionnaire should just say “No” 

Or “Click here if you don’t want to get hired”

You would have to be completely unconfident and completely stupid to select “I’m not sure.”  And if someone were going to answer “Fairly Confident,” then why not just go all out and choose “Very confident”? 

This question was designed and included in this application either to weed out certain applicants or as a practical joke.  I’m going to give unnamed-national-craft-store-chain the benefit of the doubt and say practical joke.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Friday 7/2

Alex

Weathermen officially need cue cards.  I heard this on the news Wednesday morning:

“Luckily, hurricane Alex has taken a swing South and will now be hitting northern Mexico, and not Texas.”

Lucky, huh?  Not very sympathetic, is he?  (I’m not going to tell you who it was, because I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus.)  If you ask me, hurricanes are bad news no matter what country they hit.  I don’t care if we do have illegal immigration problems with our southern neighbor, I wouldn’t wish them ill will.  If we were all lucky the hurricane would have died back down to a tropical storm and then down to just some drizzle that hits the coast. 

You know what, though?  The anchor probably didn’t even realize what he said.  (He probably didn’t mean it that way, either, but he said it.)  But do you think the weather people on the Mexican news stations proclaim their good fortune when a hurricane turns to Texas?  I doubt seriously. 

So if a fire ever burns down your neighbor’s house with everyone in it, don’t tell an interviewer, “Luckily, it wasn’t us!”  Have some compassion.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Thursday 7/1

Top 10

Do you ever mold facts to your advantage?  Or shape your semantics to intentionally give the wrong impression?  I’ll bet you do.  Here’s an example:  “I didn’t quite make it on time to work.”  In reality, “I was late to work,” but that doesn’t sound as good.  The first example kind of takes the edge off of “I was late.”  Oppositely, we sometimes twist truth to spice-up the otherwise mundane.  Good advertisers are masters of this. 

I heard an example on the radio the other day.  One of the main underlying reasons you should buy the car they were selling was because it made the Kelly Blue Book’s list of the Top 10 Cool Cars Starting Under $18,000.  Really?  Is that the best they could come up with?  Are there even ten cool cars starting under $18,000?  Apparently there are.  I looked at the list, and here’s what I discovered: 

#1  There are maybe two cars on the list which have cool-potential.  But even still, to actually be cool, they would probably need some customization, inside and out, to get there.  And it would definitely no longer be under $18,000. 

#2  Americans can’t make cool cars starting under $18,000.  Oh wait, there’s one.  The Ford Fiesta.  Let’s party.

#3  These cars start under $18,000.  “Start” pretty much means the lowest of the low models.  Well, a $17,999 makes the cut, but if you don’t want to be rolling the windows up by hand, you better expect to whip out a few more bucks.  (And don’t even mention alloy wheels or sunroofs.)

#4  Based on the un-cool-ness of some of the vehicles on the list, I’m wondering how many cars didn’t make it.  I have a feeling there are only 11 candidates and they only had to weed out one of them to make a “Top 10” list. 

Maybe I’m just immune to advertisements because I’ve studied them for so long.  I pick them apart more than I actually listen to their messages.  Maybe I just think too much…

By: S. Cole Garrett