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Thursday, July 25, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Turpitude
And men with immoral turpitude are welcome! :)
(And is immoral turpitude kind of like a double negative?)
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Contains No Milk - Genuinely
I guess when Muscle Milk was trying to come up with a name, "Chalky Soy Protein Glutamine Creatine Thermogenic Shake" didn't quite roll off the tongue the same.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Pride
You know, they could at least print "Made in China" on the back or something . . . or the bottom . . . or on another box.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
For Star Trek Lovers - (pun intended)
In light of the recent (and awesome) Star Trek : Into Darkness, I saw this and laughed out loud for real.
If I was more of a nerd, I might have done this for my wife, lol.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Double Double
Um...
hmmm....
should I have the double brat or the double burger?
Oh!! How about both? The Sausage Double Beef ought to satisfy!
(Hope it comes with a couple of Bayer and a glass of orange juice.)
hmmm....
should I have the double brat or the double burger?
Oh!! How about both? The Sausage Double Beef ought to satisfy!
(Hope it comes with a couple of Bayer and a glass of orange juice.)
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
McDonald's Kills
My first thought was, "yeah, so? Everyone knows that..."
Then I read on:
...
...
...
...
...
You know, people don't go to McDonald's for the salads and 'real' chicken strips. They want Big Macs, french fries, and mechanically separated and compressed chicken 'fingers' that are either oval or the shape of a stocking.
"Everyone knows that..."
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Beige I Guess
My wife was listing items to sell on ebay the other day and she asks me:
Her: "What color would you say this shirt is? Beige, Camel, or Taupe?"
(She tossed it to me and I turned it over in my hand a few times to look at it.)
Me: "Um . . . Uh . . . Beige, I guess."
Her: "Hmm. . . I think I'll go with Wheat."
. . .
I love my wife. :)
Her: "What color would you say this shirt is? Beige, Camel, or Taupe?"
(She tossed it to me and I turned it over in my hand a few times to look at it.)
Me: "Um . . . Uh . . . Beige, I guess."
Her: "Hmm. . . I think I'll go with Wheat."
. . .
I love my wife. :)
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Red Widow
There is a new series coming up on ABC called Red Widow:
It sounds interesting enough. From what I understand a mob man dies and his wife decides to carry on his work to protect their family. I could see that being worth watching. And it is brought to us by the screenwriter of the Twilight Saga!!!!
. . . wait, what?
The worst part about the Twilight movies was the screenplay! Why would you pitch that as the selling point?! Have they seen those films?
I've seen most of the actors in the twilight movies in other movies and they're really not too bad. But the reason Twilight was so awful was all of the awkward dialogue. On a scale of 1 to 10, my interest in Red Widow just went from about a 6 to a 1 (which might as well be a 0). Maybe next time, ABC . . . maybe next time.
It sounds interesting enough. From what I understand a mob man dies and his wife decides to carry on his work to protect their family. I could see that being worth watching. And it is brought to us by the screenwriter of the Twilight Saga!!!!
. . . wait, what?
The worst part about the Twilight movies was the screenplay! Why would you pitch that as the selling point?! Have they seen those films?
I've seen most of the actors in the twilight movies in other movies and they're really not too bad. But the reason Twilight was so awful was all of the awkward dialogue. On a scale of 1 to 10, my interest in Red Widow just went from about a 6 to a 1 (which might as well be a 0). Maybe next time, ABC . . . maybe next time.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
How Much Does It Cost
Every once in a while, I begin typing a search in Google and I can't help but laugh what the most popular searches are that start with the same words I'm using. I'm sure you've seen this before. I was looking up the cost of a part to repair my car and came across this:
The first one is the best. How much does it cost to be batman? Ha! This implies that more people are searching for how much it costs to be batman than are searching for how much is costs to have a baby, mail a letter, build a house, and get a passport. (And more people are wondering about Batman than Iron Man.)
So I had to look this up. Apparently, a rough estimate is something to the tune of $682,451,350. But if you're Bruce Wayne, whose wealth is fictionally estimated to be around $6.9 Billion, then you've got a few hundred million to throw around. :)
Try starting to type some things in Google and see what suggestions you come up with. Let me know if you've got any good ones!
The first one is the best. How much does it cost to be batman? Ha! This implies that more people are searching for how much it costs to be batman than are searching for how much is costs to have a baby, mail a letter, build a house, and get a passport. (And more people are wondering about Batman than Iron Man.)
So I had to look this up. Apparently, a rough estimate is something to the tune of $682,451,350. But if you're Bruce Wayne, whose wealth is fictionally estimated to be around $6.9 Billion, then you've got a few hundred million to throw around. :)
Try starting to type some things in Google and see what suggestions you come up with. Let me know if you've got any good ones!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Fly
The brief conversation that interrupted dinner last night:
Eva: "Daddy, look, a fly!"
Me: "I see. That's actually a moth." (A moth was flying around the ceiling. Must have come inside when I did.)
Eva: "No, it's a fly!"
Me: "I know it looks like a fly, but it's bigger. . . and brown. It's a moth."
Eva: "Um..." (The moth fluttered again.) "Look, the fly!"
Me: "I know, but..." *Sigh* "Well, it flies, anyway."
:)
Eva: "Daddy, look, a fly!"
Me: "I see. That's actually a moth." (A moth was flying around the ceiling. Must have come inside when I did.)
Eva: "No, it's a fly!"
Me: "I know it looks like a fly, but it's bigger. . . and brown. It's a moth."
Eva: "Um..." (The moth fluttered again.) "Look, the fly!"
Me: "I know, but..." *Sigh* "Well, it flies, anyway."
:)
Monday, January 28, 2013
OJ (not the juice)
For anyone who doesn't know, young children (in the 4 to 5 range) have highly objective judgment (OJ). Simply put, they make decisions and speak their opinions based almost entirely on fact. They usually don't know how to weave in any emotion at that age. Let me give you two embarrassing examples from the last couple weeks.
1) My son and I were standing in line at Taco Bueno a few weeks back, waiting to order. The man in front of us was a pretty big guy... cankles big. I noticed, but didn't think much of him (I mean this is America, and we were at a fast food restaurant...). Well, my son noticed too... And decided to let me know in his usual, outside voice:
He pointed, "Hey, Daddy, he's fat!"
I'm thinking to myself, um..... 'Yeah, I know'... but obviously I can't say that. And every response I could think of was unflattering: 'I see that.' 'Wow.' 'Oh my!' The best plan I could think of was not to respond, maybe change the subject. Too late...
"See?" He pointed again.
Oh jeez. And then the guy turns around. Of course I apologize at that point to the large man and then he grunts at me with a dirty look and lurches away. And with that, I wished I could take back my apology. Now i'm thinking 'Dude, don't scowl at my kid. He's just calling it how he sees it. Now go sit not-at-a-booth and cram your five burritos and diet coke.'
After we ate, we had a little talk about using certain adjectives in public.
2) Just a couple days ago, we were in the checkout line at Ace Hardware and my daughter had her baby dolls laying in the cart (they were sleeping, lol). The lady in front of us turned and commented on how cute it was. Well, this lady was a chronic smoker and slightly disheveled, which made her look about two decades older than she probably is... And her hair was a piece of work! And our daughter, at the tender age of three, took notice. When the lady turned around, she blurted, "that lady has crazy hair!"
They all do it once or twice, right?
Not only were we trying not to laugh, the cashier heard, too, and was having trouble not chuckling. (I mean, the hair was indeed messy!) Luckily, I don't crazylocks heard her. It was still embarrassing, though, especially since she was so nice to us.
We had the same adjectives talk with her later on.
:)
1) My son and I were standing in line at Taco Bueno a few weeks back, waiting to order. The man in front of us was a pretty big guy... cankles big. I noticed, but didn't think much of him (I mean this is America, and we were at a fast food restaurant...). Well, my son noticed too... And decided to let me know in his usual, outside voice:
He pointed, "Hey, Daddy, he's fat!"
I'm thinking to myself, um..... 'Yeah, I know'... but obviously I can't say that. And every response I could think of was unflattering: 'I see that.' 'Wow.' 'Oh my!' The best plan I could think of was not to respond, maybe change the subject. Too late...
"See?" He pointed again.
Oh jeez. And then the guy turns around. Of course I apologize at that point to the large man and then he grunts at me with a dirty look and lurches away. And with that, I wished I could take back my apology. Now i'm thinking 'Dude, don't scowl at my kid. He's just calling it how he sees it. Now go sit not-at-a-booth and cram your five burritos and diet coke.'
After we ate, we had a little talk about using certain adjectives in public.
2) Just a couple days ago, we were in the checkout line at Ace Hardware and my daughter had her baby dolls laying in the cart (they were sleeping, lol). The lady in front of us turned and commented on how cute it was. Well, this lady was a chronic smoker and slightly disheveled, which made her look about two decades older than she probably is... And her hair was a piece of work! And our daughter, at the tender age of three, took notice. When the lady turned around, she blurted, "that lady has crazy hair!"
They all do it once or twice, right?
Not only were we trying not to laugh, the cashier heard, too, and was having trouble not chuckling. (I mean, the hair was indeed messy!) Luckily, I don't crazylocks heard her. It was still embarrassing, though, especially since she was so nice to us.
We had the same adjectives talk with her later on.
:)
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
New Baby
So the reason I haven't posted much in the last several months is very simple: we had a brand new baby. (And boy is he cute!) Well, now that we've got a newborn, a 3-year old, and a 4-year old, I realize just how easy babies are. How easy?
Well, they sleep, poop, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, poop, pee?, sleep, sleep, eat, sleep, and so on. In other words, they sleep a lot! (Our 3 and 4 year olds? Not so much...) I find myself wishing our older ones could be infants again. Anyone who is considering having a baby should know this, babies aren't the ones you need to be worried about, it's the toddlers. Here's a helpful chart, based on my experience:
Newborn (1-12 months) = Easy. Messy, but easy.
1-year old (13-24 months) = Also easy. Kids seem to gravitate towards anything dangerous, so it's stressful, but still not too bad.
2-year old = Terrible? Not as bad as you think. They're just louder and defiant. 2 just requires a little bit of patience and a glass or three of wine.
3-year old = WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?! Keep the exorcist on speed dial, because they get craaaaazy! Tantrums, back sassing, know it all, head rolling, wall climbing, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, but nothing agreeable to say! Aaaahhhh! Be afaid.
4-year old = Do you want to know why they don't have a word to go with 4-year-olds? Because they're normal human beings finally. They know cause and effect. You can finally reason with them. (They should call them the finally fours.)
As for the 5 and ups, I guess we'll see. That's the next few chapters of our lives. I'll keep you updated. (And I'll try to write a few more blog posts in the meantime.)
