Ginger Family

Not only are they ginger, they're conjoined twins...

Tow Truck

I know these trucks are for towing your car . . .

. . . but I've always kind of thought they look like they're for crucifying your car.

(I can't help but sing "Always  Look on the Bright Side of Life" in my head when I see them.)

Ideal

Saw this on a box of hot chocolate mix:

"Ideal For: offices, restaurants, schools, & home!"

Sounds to me like it's ideal for, well, just about everywhere!  That begs the question, where isn't it ideal?  The international space station?  If you're going to waste valuable marketing space on your packaging, you might as well waste it all:

"Ideal For: offices, restaurants, schools, home, airports, day cares, block parties, cruises, children's birthdays, weddings,  bar mitzvahs, wine tastings, jungle tours, baby showers, jury deliberation, and of course, toy and candy factories employed by either elves or small orange people, respectively."

Sauce On Side!

I came across an interesting pearl of wisdom just the other day.  We were travelling on business and one day for lunch, our client suggested a good local Chinese restaurant.  We get our drinks, order food, and chit chat.  

Well, the gentleman across from me ordered his plate of food with the soy glaze sauce on the side.  This way, he could dip his beef strips into the sauce as opposed to the meat drowning in it on his plate.  Since this was the last plate out and everyone was waiting before eating, the waiter had the whole table's attention.  I guess he felt the need to address everyone.  it went something like this:

"YOU SEE?  YOU LIVE LONG TIME, HAVE SAUCE ON SIDE!  LIKE GRANDMA, SAUCE ON SIDE!"

We kept our composure at the lunch table, but died laughing about it later.  The waiter was just so enthusiastic and sincere . . . and fit into the stereotype so perfectly.  The joke became an examination of life advice from different professionals.  Think about it.  If you ask your regular doctor how to live a long healthy life, what do they say?  Diet and exercise.  Right?  Just recently, there was a woman in Georgia who turned 116 years old.  They asked her for advice on long living and she replied that the never eats junk food and that she minds her own business.

But if you ask the Chinese restaurant waiter how to live a long, healthy life?

"SAUCE ON SIDE!  LIKE GRANDMA!  SAUCE ON SIDE!"

Raking Up the Past

First off... It has been so very long since writing a post.  Glad to be back!

I had a very revealing chore to do the other day: raking.  Let me explain.   When my wife and I moved into our house, the yard was in bad shape.  Not only was it not kept up during the time the home was vacant, it was also abused by the previous owner.  Anyway, I finally got around to chopping down the forest that erupted from the bushes in the front yard and then had to rake all the branches and leaves and junk out from under and around them.  I was expecting to find leaves, branches, weeds, maybe some bugs... but I got way more.  I had already painted a picture in my head of what kind of people the previous owners were, but with every dirty old knick-knack I pulled out from the bushes, I grew more and more confused.  Among the refuse, I found:

Hot Wheels Car
Beer Bottle Lid and partially broken bottle attached
Margarita mix pouch
Nerf Gun ammunition
7 foot aluminum pole
Small decorative american flag
Chop sticks
Crushed beer can
Twinkie wrapper
Light bulb
Dog chew toy (still squeaky)

I get the margarita mix and beer cans, they liked to drink and had no problem throwing their garbage into the bushes.  They probably had kids and a dog, hence the toys.  They were obviously very American, what with the twinkies and take-out chopsticks.  But the pole?  Why in the heck was there a big metal pole laying down behind the bushes?  Well, since I know the previous owners weren't firemen, all I can assume is that they were beer-loving-margarita-sloughing-Chinese-take-out-loving-dog-caring-Twinkie-scarfing-patriotic-parents who ran a strip club out of their house. . . . or something like that.

That's the best I can guess.  :)  Anyone have any other ideas?

Keep Cool

You know . . .

AC repair isn't that expensive.  

I rocked 2-60 air conditioning in my first car for years and my car actually did pass state inspection.  

Dummy Proof

I love when companies have a sense of humor.  Saw this one on the bottom of a milk carton:

My favorite part: "Not that we're telling you how to run your life or anything..."  lol

48 Hours

Okay, so I just recently saw a commercial for Dove 48-Hour protection deodorant:

I actually find this very fascinating.  Deodorant that can last for up to 48 hours!  I'm impressed at how far we've come as a civilization with our personal hygiene products, I really am.  

HOWEVER.........

Who needs 48 hours of protection?!  What schmucks out there aren't trying to get in the shower at least once a day?  I could maybe buy the argument that once in a blue moon you end up staying at home and inside all day and never get the motivation to take a shower.  Or perhaps you're sick as a dog, and the only reason you even make it into the bathroom is to, well, you don't make a mess in your bed.  Or maybe you're on Survivor...  But for the most part, I'm pretty sure we're all showering pretty much every day.  The economy's not that bad!

I Hope So

Meatless

Saw this at the grocery store the other day...

Congratulations, fish.  You've just been downgraded!  

Leave It to the Exeprt

2000 Flushes

"Hey, I know you.  You're that lady from the toilet bowl cleaner! . . . "

TWF and Teef

I have two orders of business today.  First off, I have to apologize for not having posted anything in so long.  There's a good reason, though.

Lately, I have been burning both ends of the candle working on a new website, thus neglecting Dry Humor Daily.  But it is up and running and I should be able to get back to maintaining both sites.  :)  So, in case you're wondering, the site I launched is called TournamentsWithFriends.net :

  Basically, it's a site that will host tournaments for a variety of games, currently Words With Friends and Hanging With Friends (hence the attempt at a clever title).  People sign up for a tournament, get matched, go play out the games on their devices, or facebook, or whatever, and then come back to report scores.  It's meant to be friendly competition, plus you'll be able to earn cute little badges and such, you know, because people like badges.

Anyway, if you're interested, I hope you go check it out.  I'm always playing those "with friends" games, so I figured I could gather all of the addicts and give them something fun to play for, in tournament formats.  :)

The second order of business is a post, since it has been like two weeks:

You also don't have to finish grammar school....

 

Fun With Outlets

Call me old fashioned, but aren't you supposed to teach your kids not to play or have fun with the outlets?

No Gorillas

Beware

Fifteen

I love signs for the ignorant!  This really made me laugh!

Fitness

I think no option would have been the better option here...

Donuts and Tacos

So ... does that mean there's a Donut Taco Palace II somewhere, as well?  

Well Done

Congrats, guys, on a job well do... oh...

Ho Made

Because hoes make it best!

Big Stretch

Future Darwin Award winner.

Excellense

...just not in spelling.

Hello Lionel

Just Ahead

Skeptic

There's a skeptic in every bunch.

Free Shipping

So that leaves the kid in front as the only one without a helmet...

Laughing Matter

lol..... and then call 911

Swiss 1, French 0

Spelling Bee

I smell a job opportunity for Maiesha and Anamaria.

Holy Hancock

Unacceptable

So..... It was acceptable before?