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Friday, March 5, 2010

First Attempt (Seriously)

Glass Ceiling

It was a time when male and female aviators alike traversed the Atlantic, a time of presidential mediocrity at best, when television birthed into broadcast media, when the pan-solvent penicillin proved a powerful ally to medicine, a famous rodent took the screen for the first time, inklings of great companies emerged, both summer and winter Olympians still competed in coinciding years, natural disasters shook, pelted, covered, and flooded the earth, and the US economy was on the brink of catastrophic collapse. In 1928, the singular, inventive, and irrevocably greatest innovation in modern history posted the benchmark of all benchmarks:
Sliced Bread.
So simple. So convenient. Yet every invention, incredible idea, brilliant brainchild, and epidemic-eliciting entrepreneurial-ship, despite any fathomable and formidable fame, cannot amount to the infamy of sliced bread! Of the highest regards for things of superior nature, we proclaim them “The best thing since sliced bread” as if the ingenuity of it is infinitely approachable but unsurpassable. Take music, for example. The 8-track may very well have been the best thing since sliced bread. Cassettes soon replaced 8-track, and compact discs booted cassettes, and the Moving Pictures Expert Group developed the basis for the current phenomenon, the MP3. CDs aren’t the best thing since cassettes, but the best since sliced bread. Cassettes drop to the forgotten realm not in, but even beneath, the shadows of the convenience bakery product. MP3 will someday banish CDs and eventually be bested itself. Each innovation is a brief shining light of a blazing meteor descending unsustainably into an acidic, ruthless and callous atmosphere lorded-over by sliced bread, the constant in our universe. Do not be saddened by the impending fame-failure of every future hall-of-famer, technological breakthrough, anomaly discovery, and kitchen fad. Instead rejoice daily in the toaster-compatible, sandwich-loving, safety-minded, portion-friendly commodity we all to often take for granted, a conveniently-packaged, pre-sliced loaf of freshly-baked, sliced bread.

By: S. Cole Garrett


Cole Garrett said...

Honest feedback welcome!
It can just be a thumbs up or thumbs down.
Or if you'd like to leave more detail about what you think, by all means, please do!

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