New Study

Here's a post from our new friends over at FRN:

New Study Found that Using Smartphone on the Toilet May Make it Tough to "Go"

Lower Prices Soon

I've seen this sign on the way to work for the last few weeks. It says "Lower Prices Coming Soon."  I'm no business owner, but wouldn't it be better to wait until you lower prices and THEN put up a sign? 

Gosh!

Have you ever listened closely to this scene?

No Femails

No femails allowed:

5 Annoying Coworkers

Hi, my coworker and I made a video.  I hope you like it.  :)

Punt Gun

Guess who drew the short straw:

Believe it or not, that was a real gun, once upon a time.  It was supposedly meant to shoot several birds in a flock at once.  As you can imagine, not many of these were made.

You Didn't Know

Have you seen those articles about "10 Things You Didn't Know About ..."  Here's a snap shot I got yesterday:

Apparently, the internet thinks I don't know much about anything.  Half of the articles on this page are about things I don't know.  I normally find them interesting, but that many articles in my face at once seems a little insulting. . .

Heck, I could write one of these articles.  I already have some ideas:

-10 Things You Didn't Know About the Number 10

-7 Ways You Didn't Know How to Wonder About the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World

-1 Way to Write an Uncompelling Article About Things You Didn't Previously Know About by Using a Search Engine that Didn't Rhyme With "Oogle"

Hippo Cart

How much horsepower do you think that thing gets?

Hard Head

Now THAT'S taking one for the team.

Believe it or not, this is how they used to test football helmets.

Notice how no one is taking notes...

Senor Froggy

Saw this downtown:

So if you run a Mexican food restaurant and you need a boost in sales, add Italian take out to your menu.

Do Horses Know?

The question on everyone's mind after Preakness...

I have the simple answer.  No.  I'd say a human-invented concept like racing is not known by horses.

I'll bet they're thinking about how much they need to go the bathroom, though.

#ThisIsNews

Cleaning Tricks

This is helpful...

But I have a much simpler trick to make it seem like you don't own pets.  Don't own pets.

#ThisIsNews

Ice Cream Judge

Here is a really helpful article I found:

This article actually is a humor piece and it was cute.  But the sad truth is that many people probably clicked on it so they really could gain some sort of deeper insight into their friends and family.  We're such suckers by nature.  Judgement and ice cream go together like... like... judgement and ice cream.

I read the article and the reality is... it was probably funded by Good Humor, Magnum, and Klondike.  Those were the only brands mentioned.  So I guess all of you Blue Bell and Ben and Jerry's lovers can't be judged!  :)

#ThisIsNews

Four Sale

Looks like "Two Sale" to me.

Scrolling

This is news:

The only thing more embarrassing than this link even being published is that people actually click on it...

...and no, in case you're wondering, I did not.

#ThisIsNews

Litter Mafia

Even though I live in Idaho, now, I commute to Washington for work and drive around there quite a bit.  It's the first place I've seen signs like this one:

What exactly is going on, here?  Is there a litter mafia in Washington?  Ha.  What are they implying is going to hurt and who will be doing the hurting?  

And once they ultimately find that these signs are ineffective, then what?  The next thing you know, you'll be seeing signs like this:

or this:

Insert Straw

I saw this on a box of apple juice that I was giving to my son the other day:

Why is "Insert Straw" in quotations?  Is that supposed to be a euphemism for something else?  Ha!

"Insert Straw" - as in, "Wink, wink"
or
"Insert Straw" - as in, "If You Dare!"
or
"Insert Straw" - as in, "Good-luck-with-that-because-you'll-probably-bend-and-break-it-trying."

Beauty Tips

This is news:

I'm waiting for the next edition:

8 Money Lessons I Learned from My Turtle

or:

11 Parenting Lessons I Learned from My Hamster

#ThisIsNews

P Again

Since when did urine become so vocal?  This was in the news, today:

Well why don't I slap on some safety goggles and dip a test tube in the toilet next time and I'll see for myself what my pee is telling me?  Nah...  I can probably guess what it's saying:

"Okay, now flush"

or

"I used to be water"

or

"I am #1"

Spring Snow

It snowed yesterday, which many folks were unhappy about, being a couple weeks into spring, and all.  But I say...

Steak Advice

Here are some adjacent articles I found online:

 

So which is it?  Should we be freeze-frying or deep-frying our steaks?  What if we deep-freeze-fry them?  Will that work all the same?  What about for non-$50 steaks?

It's funny enough that they pinned those two articles right next to each other, but the best part is, if you open them, it's basically the same method stated in two completely separate articles.  MSN is free news, so I guess you get what you pay for.

Good Friday Funny

PB and J

In case you missed the memo, today is national Peanut Butter and Jelly day!  That's right, there's an unofficial day.  So grab some bread and slather it on.  Nothing spells patriotism like PB&J.  :)

Side note:  I actually really like peanut butter and jelly.  It's always my go-to if lunch/dinner options are limited.  And considering the prolific amount of pb&j I ate as a kid, it's surprising to me that I still like them.  I don't know what it is.  Maybe it's because it's like eating dessert for the main course... but you can still have dessert.

So in honor of today, the following sort of goes without saying:

Toilet to Tap

This is obviously oversimplified...

The reality is, many people in the country and world already do this.  It's called waste water recycling.  The other option California is considering right now is desalinating the ocean water (taking the salt out).  If you think about it, though, it's basically drinking fish pee, using the same oversimplification.

Maybe a better title for the article would be:

"Why California Could Soon Be Drinking Pee of Some Sort."

... or maybe just

"Californians Drink Pee."

... or even

"Look at This Can of Water; It Has Nothing to do With This Article."

Gorillas Shmorillas

Since we've moved to Idaho, I now understand:

DHD Reboot!!

Hi.  It has been over a year-and-a-half since I've posted to Dry Humor Daily.  Yikes!!  Well, in my own defense, life has been under relentless change, lately.  First off, my wife and I had another baby since my last post.  I've changed jobs.  Bought and sold our house... and moved to Idaho.

Yep, Idaho.  The land of potatoes.

(... and turkeys.  I see a surprising number of wild turkeys in our area.  Weird.)

One thing that I find funny about moving to Idaho is that whenever it comes up in discussion, the response is usually in the form of a question: "Idaho?"  It's like I'm saying we moved to Oz or something.  Well, Idaho is actually quite normal.  There are houses, and roads, and occasionally other people.  If you like nature, sunshine and/or snow, and stink bugs, this is the place for you.

Well, look forward to more posts.  Now that things are settling down a little bit, I think I'll have time to reflect more often on life's natural funnies.