Raking Up the Past

First off... It has been so very long since writing a post.  Glad to be back!

I had a very revealing chore to do the other day: raking.  Let me explain.   When my wife and I moved into our house, the yard was in bad shape.  Not only was it not kept up during the time the home was vacant, it was also abused by the previous owner.  Anyway, I finally got around to chopping down the forest that erupted from the bushes in the front yard and then had to rake all the branches and leaves and junk out from under and around them.  I was expecting to find leaves, branches, weeds, maybe some bugs... but I got way more.  I had already painted a picture in my head of what kind of people the previous owners were, but with every dirty old knick-knack I pulled out from the bushes, I grew more and more confused.  Among the refuse, I found:

Hot Wheels Car
Beer Bottle Lid and partially broken bottle attached
Margarita mix pouch
Nerf Gun ammunition
7 foot aluminum pole
Small decorative american flag
Chop sticks
Crushed beer can
Twinkie wrapper
Light bulb
Dog chew toy (still squeaky)

I get the margarita mix and beer cans, they liked to drink and had no problem throwing their garbage into the bushes.  They probably had kids and a dog, hence the toys.  They were obviously very American, what with the twinkies and take-out chopsticks.  But the pole?  Why in the heck was there a big metal pole laying down behind the bushes?  Well, since I know the previous owners weren't firemen, all I can assume is that they were beer-loving-margarita-sloughing-Chinese-take-out-loving-dog-caring-Twinkie-scarfing-patriotic-parents who ran a strip club out of their house. . . . or something like that.

That's the best I can guess.  :)  Anyone have any other ideas?

The Coke Machine

The Coke Machine



 I mentioned in a comment the other day that I'm an avid reader.  Case in point, I've been reading this:

I really enjoy books about any kind of history.  It could be American history, European history, or even, as in this case, the history of a particular company.  I also like books about business and business concepts.  I originally thought that The Coke Machine would fall into the latter category.  In fact, it's both (and I wish it weren't).

The Coke Machine is unfortunately a little biased.  If you can't make out the sub-heading in the picture, it reads, "The dirty truth behind the world's favorite soft drink."  (Not to be confused with "the erotic truth" behind coke.  That's . . . um . . . a story for another day.)  As I mentioned on Monday, opinions are fun, but not at the expense of historical fact.  The problem is: Michael Blanding subtly bashes coke starting with world war one, which is not too long after the beginning.

Now I have a fairly capitalist mindset, and I have to say, if Coke wants to sell cokes in schools, so be it.  If coke wants to pitch Dasani as "enhanced, pure water," then more power to them (no matter how oxymoronic it sounds is...).   If Coke can find a way to oblige their shareholders and make money, then by all means, let 'em.

I don't want to get too far off point, so . . .  Would I recommend this book?  Well, if you can keep an open mind, yes.  If you're a die-hard coke fanatic who thinks they can do no wrong, then you'd be better off skipping it, because yes, coca-cola used to contain cocaine.  Isn't that what you really wanted to know anyway?  :)

The Big 200!

The Big 200!


Today marks the 200th post on Dry Humor Daily!  I am absolutely ecstatic to have actual readers whom I've never met in my life who genuinely read and comment.  Thank you to ALL of you.  You keep me encouraged and continuing to write.  So what's on the docket, today?  I thought we could take a brief walk down memory lane, then reflect on one of my favorite posts: Wasps

Memory lane isn't even a year yet, but for anyone who hasn't been around since the beginning, this is the best only screen shot I could find of what DHD used to look like:

This was one of the default blogger templates I used from when I first started.  Isn't it cute?  (It was one of the few that didn't look so feminine ...)  I eventually changed this to the blue version of the same pattern, then to a modern-looking black and green something-or-other, then a messy desk, and finally the better-looking messy desk you see now (with the Christmas theme added by yours truly!).  

On to one of my favorite posts.  Enjoy!  And when you're finished, feel free to check out the very first post ever, (if you're into that sort of thing.)

Wasps

Do you have a favorite word? You should, if for no other reason than to have an answer the next time someone asks you. Maybe you like scientific words that no one else knows. Maybe you like words that sound funny. Maybe, in severe irony, you like the word hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (look it up). Or maybe you could care less about words all together. Well my favorite word is wasps.

Try it. Say “wasps.” The “s” followed by “p” followed again by “s” comes out of your mouth like you’re trying to get someone’s attention. Wasps. I suppose it works with any word ending with an “s,” consonant, and another “s.” Okay, now try these out loud. Lists. Cists. Mists. Wisps. Costs. Masts. Casts. Fasts. Feasts. Crisps. Wrists. Asps. Clasps. Heists (Is your tongue getting tired yet? Are you spitting everywhere?). The one that takes the cake, however, is lisps.

Forgive my speech impediment insensitivity here. Lisps, as is, sounds just like the rest of them. “S,” consonant, “s.” Here’s the kicker, though: say it with a lisp (without laughing and spitting). (My advice: never ask someone with a lisp to say it.) It would go something like this. Lithpth. Isn’t it a little ironic that the word which describes a condition when it’s difficult for someone to say the letter “s” has an “s” in the word? Not to mention, two if it’s plural!

Now try the words from before, this time with a lisp. Lithth. Mithth. Withpth. Cothth. Mathth. Cathth. Fathth. Feathth. Crithpth. Writhth. Athpth. Clathpth. Heithth. In this light, there’s a new cake-taker: Cists, which would sound more like thithth. Can anyone even manage that one? If you can, save yourself the embarrassment and don’t show all your friends.

I still have a soft spot for wasps, though. It seems to linger on your tongue a little longer than the other examples. The humor in its pronunciation (that is, if you’re amused by it like me) is completely contradictory to the menacing image of the insect itself. Also, it requires the lips to move in many different directions all within the same word.

Pick a word and arm yourself with the knowledge surrounding it. Roam confidently with your vocabulary prowess! If you ever enter into a word-war with someone, be prepared to throw down the heavy, hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic hammer on them!

Originally posted: 3/15/10

...And Rachel McAdams Wears Prada, Too

. . . And Rachel McAdams Wears Prada, Too

This was not by any means intentional.  The TV was on (I wasn’t really watching it) and a trailer played for an upcoming romantic comedy.  Guess who wrote it:

(If you read yesterday’s post, it wouldn’t be all that hard to guess…)

I could hardly believe my ears.  I was just making fun of how silly it sounded to promote a movie by flaunting its screenwriters.  Lo and behold!  Here comes a movie called Morning Glory.  (Boy howdy, they are reeeeeeeeeally proud of the work they did on The Devil Wears Prada!) 

To be completely honest, Morning Glory stars Harrison Ford (usually worth seeing) and Rachel McAdams (always worth seeing ;)), and I wouldn’t be totally against watching it.  Even though I’m a guy and this movie is a romantic comedy, it’s still a romantic comedy.  Who can say "no" to comedy?  Right?  (I'll keep telling myself that.)

You know, Prada has deep roots in American film making, as well.  It's no surprise that marketers flash it around every chance they get.  I believe that in this case, it has finally come full circle, too.  Remember Star Wars?  Harrison Ford was in that, too (as a youngin', of course).  Who else was in Star Wars?  Darth Vader.  Any idea what kind of boots Vader was wearing?  That's right:

In Defense of Jelly, Pepper, and Eggs

In Defense of Jelly, Pepper, and Eggs

Jelly, pepper, and eggs?  I’m sure you’re wondering what in the world those three items have in common. 

-“They’re all foods!”

As true as that is, that’s not the point.  Jelly, pepper, and eggs all suffer from the same spotlight deficiency: second place blues.  They’re all overshadowed by another.  Without these, their counterparts may have never gotten their big break.  This is the case for jelly, pepper, and eggs: star supporters!

Jelly

Jelly puts the J in PB&J. . . literally.  Without it, it’s just not a sandwich.  There would be no personality.  But we always say “peanut butter and jelly,” not “jelly and peanut butter.”  Jelly always gets ripped.  Peanut butter gets to fly first from the tongue while jelly ensues as an easily-misconstrued afterthought.  January 24 is National Peanut Butter day in the U.S. and April 2 is National Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich day.  But poor, second-place Jelly has no day all for itself.  But peanut butter would be nothing if it weren’t for jelly.  Jelly makes the mood.  Need some nostalgia?  Try grape jelly or strawberry.  Business lunch?  Go for the pepper jelly.  Exotic escape?  How about some cactus or dragonfruit jelly?  Next time you see jelly, thank him.

Pepper

Pepper takes its side-seat to salt.  Sure, salt makes everything taste good, but pepper is what brings the spice to the party.  Pepper is what makes your tongue dance, not salt.  Sadly, pepper has been getting the shaft since pre-history.  Both salt and pepper were once valuable and tradable commodities, but salt was the one which ultimately became the base for a very commonly used word today: salary.  And pepper, well, now it’s just the shaker with fewer holes.  (Unless you’re in the UK.  They’re looking out for pepper.)

Eggs

Ham and eggs, anyone?  “Sure!”  Bacon and eggs?  “Any time!”  Who’s up for eggs?  “Um, got any ham or bacon to go with it?”  Society doesn’t let eggs stand alone.  Eggs are never enough.  We even have substitutes for eggs because they can do a number on you cholesterol.  Well you shouldn’t eat ham or bacon by itself either!  Give eggs some credit.  They’ve sat complementarily silent for so long and never complained.  And we’ve been eating them as long as we can remember.  Here’s to the egg: a second-place survivor!

There are many other pair-makers out there which should lest be overlooked.  For now, shed thanks on these three: jelly, pepper, and eggs.

Shakespeare

Shakespeare


I saw this picture and was intrigued enough to post it myself, as well, with my own first thoughts.  (Thanks, to whoever found it first.)

It's some sort of public out house, but with a theater audience.  I don't think this is what Shakespeare had in mind when he wrote King John.

I bet the acting is crappy on that stage . . .

Good Luck

Good Luck

“Find a penny, pick it up.  All day long you’ll have good luck!”

Everyone knows that saying, right?  Even further, you should only pick up a penny if it is heads up.  A tails-down cent would be not-so-ironically bad luck.  Well, I was going home for lunch last week and as I parked my car and got out, I immediately noticed a penny on the pavement.  In less than a half-second, I rationalized that because the penny was tails up, it would be against my better judgment to collect it.  I didn’t skip a beat.  I just trotted right past it.  (I don’t think I’m superstitious, but maybe I’m lying to myself.)  Then I got to thinking (because I can’t help myself): what makes a penny lucky, let alone a heads-up penny?

Like everything, I gave it some serious thought.  I decided that there are basically two schools of thought when it comes to penny-picker-uppers.  There are those who believe in their implied good fortune, and then there are those who do not.

#1 Non-believers

Don’t believe in luck?  Then you really only have to ask yourself one question: Is your lumbar workout worth one cent?  If it is, then by all means, get to bending.  If not, then leave it for the next passer by. 

#2 Believers

I believe you make your own luck.  In other words, if you think rabbits’ feet and pennies are lucky, then in your own mind, they are good fortune.  Pick that penny up!  Heck, you could even pay it forward by passing it on to someone else.

That answers the most basic question.  Pennies are only lucky if you think they are.  But what’s the story behind them?  And what makes the obverse side of this coin lucky and reverse not?  It’s actually  mildly interesting. 

Metal was originally considered a gift from the Gods (Gods, meaning those of the Greeks and Romans).  Metal was (and is) extremely useful for making both weapons and armor.  Bare flesh doesn’t do so well against a sharpened iron spear.  Not now, and not thousands of years ago.    So, if you were an ancient Roman walking along one of those famous roads of yours and you just happened to stumble upon some metal, it would be considered a blessing.  A sort of being-smiled-upon by deities.  Metal was officially a symbol of luck.

Many currencies around the world began to be made from metals and the charm just stuck.  Finding money became lucky.  Finally, somewhere along the line, pennies became, well, lucky enough to be considered lucky.  As for the heads-up status?  It’s still a mystery.  Maybe it has to do with Abraham Lincoln smiling at you as you grow one cent richer. 

Any other ideas, please share.  :) 

Happy 6 Months!

6-Months of Blogging!!


As of yesterday, I've been officially blogging for 6 months!  I guess that's like a 6-month-versary.

Thank you to every single follower, subscriber, reader, and commenter!


I might not have made it this far without all of the encouragement I get from y'all.  I am really, really humbled that even that many people care what I have to say.  Now, I say, "Bring all your friends!"

So, in honor of Labor Day, I've decided not to labor.  I don't have to go to my real job today and I'm not setting out to amuse the public either.  I have, however, set up a few links to some of my favorite posts from waaaaaaaay back in the beginning, so you can either remember, or pretend you were there the first time around.  (I only wish I had some tacky screen shots of what my site used to look like.)

Purpose March 26, 2010

Wasps March 16, 2010

Engrained March 10, 2010

and my very first post ever, Glass Ceiling March 5, 2010

Again, thank you for reading!

Wednesday 8/11

Family Time

“Got Milk?” 

How many times have you heard that slogan?  About a million?  Well, considering the “Got Milk?” campaign has been around since 1993, a million might not be too difficult to imagine.  (That’s an impressive run, 17 years!)  If you were alive in ‘93, you probably saw a “Got Milk?” commercial either before Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman, during Boy Meets World, or after Mighty Morphin Power Rangers . . . or, for all you sci-fi buffs, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Well, the slogan is kind of running dry (no pun intended).  Lately, milk is still trying to make a presence, but “Got Milk?” is slowly on its way out.  Meanwhile, new dairy dichos are popping up here and there.  The problem is: those are some very big shoes to fill!  For the most part, attempts have been downright tacky.  Here’s a good example:

“Milk brings the family together.”

I can’t speak for any family other than mine, but we never officially gathered for the sake of milk.  We certainly drank a lot of milk, though!  There may have been a jug of milk on the table whenever we all sat down together for a pancake breakfast, but it’s not like we took a family portrait with milk.  We never went to milk’s band concerts or got milk a Christmas sweater.  You know what did bring our family together?  Try Thanksgiving turkey.  Or birthday cake.  Heck, even pizza!  But milk?  Not exactly . . .

Sorry, national-milk-advocates-association-of-america (or whatever it’s called), try again.