Hello Lionel

Answer It

You don't decline . . .

Checkmate

I'm not a huge Chuck Norris fan, but I do love chess, and this is pretty funny.  :)

Herro

Ga-Ga-Good Time

So . . . I haven't posted in a while for a couple reasons.

#1  I've been craaaaaazy busy (in a good way) developing and releasing my website (www.blogtreader.com).  I'm super excited about it.  That's all I have to say, or else I'm going to go on forever about it.

#2  I've been recovering from . . .

Yep.  We went to see Lady Gaga in Dallas on Monday.  Let me say . . .  It was sick!  We had a really good time.  She is a great performer.  The music is obviously catchy.  And I can't think of a better place to go people-watching.  I don't think I've ever been any place where there were more men dressed like women than women dressed like women.  

It probably sounds a little weird coming from someone like me, being so excited about seeing Lady Gaga.  I'll be honest, I've been excited ever since my wife got tickets for Christmas.  It's kind of like saying you got to see Madonna in  her prime.  Not everyone gets to do so.  

Anyway, I'll be back to posting, soon (hopefully as of tomorrow).  As well, I've signed up to do a blog challenge in April.  More on that later.  

Rango

Rango

To begin, please pardon the dust.  I am slowly, but surely, redesigning and reorganizing Dry Humor Daily.

Now. . . If you watched the Golden Globes last night, you probably saw a preview for this:

First of all . . . WTF?

Second, what are they really pitching?  Johnny Depp or the most-likely-very-forgettable-flop-of-a-movie?  Allow me to shed some historical light on the subject.  If the font size of the main voice actor's name is aaaaaaaaalmost as big as the title of the film, it can't be good.  Why?  Probably because the same portion of the budget for the movie went towards paying that actor (even though that's a joke, it's probably not far off).  That typically means the producers have to cut corners in other places, like screenplay, directing, or marketing.  Judging by how early they're advertising Rango, I'll bet they didn't cut the budget in marketing.  Get where this is going?

(Don't get me wrong, I actually appreciate Johnny Depp as an actor.  I think he acted his resume very well.)

My advice would be to let your five closest friends see it first (no, facebook friends don't count).  And if that never happens, you can check this off of your definitely-do-not-see list.  (You could probably even skip putting it on your list.)

I do have one good thing to say about Rango, though.  Thank goodness it's not in 3-D.

Inception

Inception


Opinions are fun!  I have my own, and I enjoy sharing it, but I also enjoy reading others, especially if it can be found on MSN.com.  (Because they're usually so bad easy to pick on.)  The article I found the other day was something along the lines of, "10 Worst Movies in 2010."  The author opened by admitting that it's hardly fair for an individual to decide what the ten worst movies of the year were, but they were getting paid so they did it anyway.  (And who are we kidding, we would find and bash ten crappy movies for a paycheck, too, right?)

I was reading along in the article and anticipated seeing a few that I did, like "The Last Song" and "Backup Plan."  Two movies appeared, however, that I have to publicly disagree with: Kick Ass and Inception.

I'm not going to say much about Kick Ass, other than I enjoyed it and I thought it was original.  The author of the MSN article, however, was appalled by its vulgarity and general distaste.  (If you've seen the movie, you know what they're talking about.)  I told Mandalyn about it.  She also disagreed with the article and added, "well, it's not like you find Kick Ass in the family section at the store."  I couldn't have put it better myself.

Now, Inception.  Am I the only crazy person who really likes this movie?  I think the effects were great, the story is complex (but follow-able), and the acting is good, too.  Bottom line: I could watch Inception a few more times and still understand more of it.

The author of the article didn't like Inception because of the "One last job" story line.  Okay.  I get it.  A lot of movies do this.  But if you think about it, would you really want to see a movie about an every-day-sort-of-job or a fourth-from-last-job?  Probably not.  He also thought Inception was unnecessarily prolonged with the third and fourth levels of dreams.  Whereas it was indeed a long film, I believe it was all necessary.  That being said (and without spoiling anything for anyone), I could have done without the last 15 seconds.  But in the grand scheme of things, what's 15 seconds compared to almost two and a half hours?

So after reading the article, I would agree on 8 of the "10 Worst" accounts.  Don't bother with the likes of Jonah Hex and Sex and the City 2.  Do, however, make time for Inception and Kick Ass.

Demitri Martin

Demitri Martin


The last two days, I covered dry humor on television and also in film.  Today, I salute one of my favorite stand-up comedians of dry humor: Demitri Martin.

Demitri delivers almost his entire routines without laughing, while the audience is rolling over so.  (Of course, they're probably a little drunk, too.  More things are funny when you're drunk.)  He tells stories, plays instruments, sings songs, and even draws posters.  Here are a couple of examples to get you by until you can look him up on youtube for yourself.  Enjoy!

Stranger Than Fiction

Stranger Than Fiction


I decided to cap the year with some of my favorite examples of dry humor.  So to continue from yesterday, I'd like to present the film: Stranger Than Fiction:

You might be thinking, "Will Farrell?  Really? Are you kidding?"  Don't worry.  This is, without a doubt, my favorite role he has ever acted.  When you take a comedian and put him/her in a serious role, it is almost guaranteed to be dry humor.  (I don't have a good explanation as to why, it just happens.)  Well, Will Farrell is great as Harold Crick in Stranger Than Fiction.  He is the painfully inept soul of an IRS auditor.  It is masterfully dry humor.  I highly recommend this film.

The following is an expert from a dialogue between Will Farrell (the IRS auditor) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (the small business owner).  It still makes me laugh:

Harold Crick:   It says, in the file, that you only paid for part of your taxes for last year.

Ana Pascal:      That’s right.

Harold Crick:   Looks like only 78 percent.

Ana Pascal:      Yep.

Harold Crick:   So you did it on purpose?

Ana Pascal:      Yep.

Harold Crick:   So you must’ve been expecting an audit.

Ana Pascal:      Um, I was expecting a fine, or a sharp reprimand.

Harold Crick:   A reprimand?  This isn’t boarding school, Miss Pascal.  You stole from the government.

(Harold pesters Ana more here, but I’m trying to keep the post within reasonable length.)

Ana Pascal:      Listen, I'm a big supporter of fixing potholes and erecting swing sets and building shelters. I am *more* than happy to pay those taxes. I'm just not such a big fan of the percentage that the government uses for national defense, corporate bailouts, and campaign discretionary funds. So, I didn't pay those taxes. I think I sent a letter to that effect with my return. 

Harold Crick:   Would it be the letter that beings "Dear Imperialist Swine"? 

                        If this isn't funny just from reading it, then you might try watching the movie (after all, if you recall from yesterday, dry humor is all in the delivery).  

                        There is another scene (which I do not have the dialogue for) in which Emma Thompson asks a nurse at the hospital where all of the dead people who won't get better are located.  It is also very funny in context.  

                        Again, I highly recommend the movie Stranger Than Fiction for a good dose of dry humor.  (I think I'm going to watch my DVD right now, as a matter of fact.)  :-)

Pushing Daisies

Pushing Daisies


On more than one occasion, I've been asked why my site is called Dry Humor Daily.  My consistent answer is that lots of people have told me over the years that I have a dry sense of humor.  For the longest time, I never really understood what that meant, but I took it as a compliment and just kept being myself.  Well, over time, I've come to a fuller understanding of dry humor (or deadpan humor, as some might say) and I'd like to present some of my favorite examples of it over the next couple of days.

First thing's first.  Pushing Daisies.

The show was fantastic.  It was kind of a mix between a fairy tale and a crime-solving show.  It only aired for two seasons (2007 and 2008) before it got cut, but they were two very entertaining seasons.  So why the pink slip?  Pushing Daisies was unfortunately too quick-witted for the average American.  The dialogue is fast-paced and clever.  To top it off, the characters have strong vocabularies.

What does this have to do with dry humor?  It's all in the delivery.  (That's basically what sets dry humor apart from all the others.)  There's not really a punchline.  Dry humor comes from the context of a situation and relies on things like straight-faced puns.  The detective in Pushing Daisies is very good at this.  You will find yourself laughing at him, even though he isn't saying anything directly funny.  If you have a chance, watch an episode or two.  I think you'll like it.

High Priority

High Priority


News flash!  Celebrities sell!  (Quite a revelation for the day, huh?)  And sometimes, the terrible celebrity news stories beat out real, very relevant news.  It makes me laugh and metaphorically cry in the same sitting.

One of my favorite news sources is msn.com, not because of it's articulate quality, but because I find the best examples of what I'm talking about.  (Actually, I hate reading the articles on MSN.com because it's a maze to find them.  You click on the pretty headliner picture and you get taken to Marie Claire's dating advice, or worse . . . bing!)  To illustrate the lop-sided msn-scale-of-importance, I captured this screen shot yesterday:

First of all, political kids are no more news-worthy than my kids or your kids.  Second, who cares?  Sadly enough, people click on this article, read this article, tell their friends about this article, and read the subsequently-linked wonder wall about this article, and completely miss the one about the cure for HIV.  (Claimed, but not yet proven, that is.)  

I take a very neutral stance about finding a cure for HIV and AIDS, but I do think even the slightest hint of a cure is more worth reading than another review of Chelsea Clinton's wedding.  I appreciate news stations and sites that report on important topics, not Lindsey Lohan's rehab.  Maybe I'm just a little old school.  Please, MSN, if I'm going to be forced through your site on a daily basis in some way or another, at least give me an article worth my time.  (Seriously, please.)

Repo Men

Repo Men


This is something I've never done on Dry Humor Daily: a movie review.  Mandalyn and I watch a lot of movies. Most of them are "okay" or "cute."  Some are sadly a waste of time.  But every once in a while, we still come across a good one.  When that happens, I like to tell people.  So I thought, why not post about it?  Now, if I would truly recommend a movie, I think I'll start spreading the word here.

Obviously, there are a ton of many great movies out there, but I promise not to post about all of them.  I'll just make this a starting point and only bring up films from here on out.

So let's talk about Repo Men:

I really enjoyed Repo Men.  It took me about a day to mull it over in my head (like most good movies).  The more I thought about this one, the more I liked it.  It was an original premise, but a classic storyline, and it had a good twist which was predictable, but good enough to satisfy even the veteran moviegoer.  

So what do the Repo Men repossess?  (If you don't know, don't worry.  I didn't realize the answer to this question before watching the movie, either.)  I'll paraphrase a quote from Jude Law's character for you:

"If you don't pay for your car, the bank takes it back.  If you don't pay for your house, the bank takes it back.  If you don't pay for your liver, well...that's where I come in."

Sound gruesome?  It is.  So if you're okay with "grisly images" (as the MPAA so delicately describes it), then you can consider watching it.  (It's rated R, by the way.)  Why did I like it?  Well, the acting is good.  The special effects are convincing enough.  And the setting is timeless. In other words, this movie will still be good twenty years from now.  One more thing I really appreciated.  The concept of repossessing organs was played off very well in the film.  It was kind of like Benjamin Button getting younger in his movie.  No one really asked any questions.  He was just getting younger.  In Repo Men, they showed up and shanked clients for their artificial organs if they were 96+ days late on payments.  No questions asked.  It was just a fact of post-organ-transplant-life.  Well done.

Has anyone else seen this movie?  Do you agree?  I'd love to know.  :)

Swagger

Swagger


Is Mick Jagger the only thing that rhymes with "swagger?"  Both Kesha and the Black-eyed Peas have used that rhyme scheme in a radio single this year.  Kesha kind of got away with it because she was the first.  (Even still, it was lame.)  Then the Black-eyed Peas?  Come on.  Even I could do better.  How about "dagger" or "snagger" or even "snag her?"

...."lagger"

...."flagger"

.... .... "bagger"

Anyone else got any bright ideas?  Our leading pop musicians definitely need some help!

Pandora Power

Pandora Power

Usually, I have my iPod running in the background at work.  More specifically, I listen to it at my work bench.  (You see, I have a desk, where I spend about 30% of my time, and I have another desk (work bench) where I spend the rest of my time.)  Anyway, when I’m at my 30% desk, I tune into Pandora radio.  It is great!  Let me tell you why I have one more reason to love Pandora. 

I recently discovered the genre stations that Pandora has set up.  I found the pop radio genre, which is nice, because I do like some of the songs they play on pop radio.  Well, in case you don’t know, Pandora let’s you “thumb down” songs you don’t like and they will never play again on that station.  It’s a cool way to effectively “customize” what it plays for you.  (I say “customize” because you still have to let Pandora “feed” you songs and let you judge them yourself.)  (I say “feed” because if you use the “free” version of Pandora, you can only skip so many songs before you just have to listen to them all.)  (I just quoted “free” for the heck of it back there.)

This was probably one of the most rewarding, soul-fulfilling, probably-would-have-made-my-bucket-list-if-I-had-one-already “thumbs down” I’ve gotten to dish out in a long time:

Notice the check-marked thumb down in the bottom left corner and the larger, subtle, yet all-powerful thumbs down in the upper right corner. 

Sweet, sweet victory!

Do I really have to explain why this made my day?  I think not.  (Oh, and the only thing better than thumbs-downing this song?  Thumbs-downing the second one that came along.)  No Beiber fever here!

...And Rachel McAdams Wears Prada, Too

. . . And Rachel McAdams Wears Prada, Too

This was not by any means intentional.  The TV was on (I wasn’t really watching it) and a trailer played for an upcoming romantic comedy.  Guess who wrote it:

(If you read yesterday’s post, it wouldn’t be all that hard to guess…)

I could hardly believe my ears.  I was just making fun of how silly it sounded to promote a movie by flaunting its screenwriters.  Lo and behold!  Here comes a movie called Morning Glory.  (Boy howdy, they are reeeeeeeeeally proud of the work they did on The Devil Wears Prada!) 

To be completely honest, Morning Glory stars Harrison Ford (usually worth seeing) and Rachel McAdams (always worth seeing ;)), and I wouldn’t be totally against watching it.  Even though I’m a guy and this movie is a romantic comedy, it’s still a romantic comedy.  Who can say "no" to comedy?  Right?  (I'll keep telling myself that.)

You know, Prada has deep roots in American film making, as well.  It's no surprise that marketers flash it around every chance they get.  I believe that in this case, it has finally come full circle, too.  Remember Star Wars?  Harrison Ford was in that, too (as a youngin', of course).  Who else was in Star Wars?  Darth Vader.  Any idea what kind of boots Vader was wearing?  That's right:

Katherine Heigl Wears Prada

Katherine Heigl Wears Prada

How do movie trailers attempt to coerce you into watching the film?  There are several ways.  The preview can be mysterious, making you wonder enough to go see it.  The trailer can be totally awesome and cool, leading you to believe that the film will follow suit.  Other sneak peeks make you laugh, convincing you that you’ll surely have a good time watching the finished movie. 

Well, in case you’re wondering what this has to do with Katherine Heigl and movie trailers, I’ll tell you.  Some trailers try to reel you in by showcasing the film collaborators’ resumes.  Examples:

Go see Academy Award winners Matt Damon and Jeff Bridges in True Grit!

(This movie is practically overflowing with talent!  I’m there.)

(Just kidding.)

(Well, I don’t know, it actually looks interesting.)

Go see Hereafter by Academy Award winning director Clint Eastwood!

(It was good, by the way.  We saw it last weekend.)

It’s a little hard to read, but the promo spilled across Heigl’s dress on the 27 Dresses DVD cover (pictured above) reads “From the screen writer of ‘Devil Wears Prada.’”  All I could think was: …Really?  The screen writer?  First of all, I bet only half of the American public even knows what a screen writer is.  Second, that’s the best they could come up with?  How many wives and girlfriends do you think turned to their significant others when they saw this preview and giddily whispered, “Oh, I loved the screen play in The Devil Wears Prada!  We just have to go see 27 Dresses!”  My guess?  None.  The marketers for this movie were really fishing for credentials on this one.  Someone fire them before we have to watch 27 Dresses 2, brought to you by the Key Grip Assistant from Must Love Dogs!

Word Verification #11

Word Verification #11

Happy International Stuttering Awareness Day!  (You don’t know how bad I wanted to make a joke about that.)  Just know that if you have breast cancer and a stutter, everyone is really thinking about you today!  J

Have a great weekend.  Enjoy Captcha number five to kick it off!

Dimenest:

-noun

1.  A home to a collection many gorgeous women. 

Ex: That sorority is awesome!  It’s a Grade-A dimenest!

2.  Hugh Hefner’s house.

Only Choice

Only Choice

For the last few nights, we've been watching the Lord of the Rings movies.  I watched them once when they first came out and never revisited them.  I never read the novels, so when the movies were released, I wasn't overly excited.  I saw them because I knew Lord of the Rings was a big deal and the films were sure to be Epic. And they certainly were.  (They also made a sensation out of director Peter Jackson.  Even though many scenes from the trilogy were visually stunning, the directing really wasn't anything special.)

Anyway, the part of the movie I'm about to refer to doesn't have to do with directing.  It actually concerns the screenplay.  Recall the scene in the Fellowship of the Ring (if you've seen it) where the fellowship is being formed.  The secret council is trying to decide how (or who) to dispose of the "one ring."  The camera zooms in on the lead elf, Elrond, and he declares emphatically:

"We have only one choice!"

(He's talking about how Frodo has to take the ring to Mount Doom.)

(Yes, that's the creepy agent guy from the Matrix.)

Now, I've posted about oxymorons before and they should never, EVER be ignorantly inserted into such a well-respected series like Lord of the Rings.  "One choice?"  Not really much of a choice, is it?  If there is only one option, then there is no choosing to do.  Duh.  I understand that whoever wrote that line was just trying to be dramatic, but it was poorly executed.

What Elrond should have said was, "We have no choice!"  It's just as dramatic yet grammatically inoffensive.

The rumor is that The Hobbit might soon become a film, made by the same folks.  (I actually did read that one.)  So . . . if anyone knows the decision makers over there, let 'em know you know a good screenplay writer (at least, a better one).  :)

America's Got Talent

America's Got Talent


I don’t get hooked on network television too often.  (And I’d like to keep it that way.)  And since LOST finished a few months ago, I’ve been overwhelmingly happy not to be tied to the TV.  Well, by coincidence, I caught a few acts of this year’s America’s Got Talent.  And sure enough, I find it entertaining enough to keep on watching . . . shamelessly.  The show sort of reminds me of the types of magic stage shows we used to watch when I was young.  (The difference is: I think there may possibly be even more commercials now than back in the 90s.) 

Something does fundamentally bother me about America’s Got Talent, however. . .

That is, none of the judges are American!!

That’s right.  Piers Morgan is British.  Sharon Osbourne is British.  And Howie Mandel is (are you ready for this?) Canadian.  I realize that the show is indeed searching for talent in America, not particularly by Americans, but give me a break.  Why not just name the show, “Great Britain, Aided by Canada, is in the US, Looking for Talent.”  It seems a little more appropriate to me. 

If you haven’t watched the show, but you’re at least slightly interested, now would be a good time to start.  The judges, as non-American as they may be, have successfully weeded out most of the acts you’d probably rather skip anyway.  The following is a list of what’s left which is worth watching:

Jackie Evancho – she’s 10 years old and creepily sounds like a season, 30-year-old opera singer

Prince Poppycock – if you can stand the flamboyance, he has a great voice and an entertaining routine

Fighting Gravity – they get credit for originality, definitely worth seeing before their inevitable vote-off

I hope that helps make up your mind, in case you were on the fence about whether to watch America’s Got Talent.  If so, enjoy the show!

Tuesday 8/31

Tired of Twilight


I've been tired of the twilight bonanza since before I even really knew what it was.  Its following is only growing and the longer it goes on, the more ridiculous the new stories surrounding it become.  Here's a tip-top example is saw yesterday:

A push-up challenge with Taylor Lautner?  Really?  At this point, they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for material.  I have a better challenge:  I challenge anyone to care . . .