Red Widow

There is a new series coming up on ABC called Red Widow:

It sounds interesting enough.  From what I understand a mob man dies and his wife decides to carry on his work to protect their family.  I could see that being worth watching.  And it is brought to us by the screenwriter of the Twilight Saga!!!!

. . . wait, what?

The worst part about the Twilight movies was the screenplay!  Why would you pitch that as the selling point?!  Have they seen those films? 

I've seen most of the actors in the twilight movies in other movies and they're really not too bad.  But the reason Twilight was so awful was all of the awkward dialogue.  On a scale of 1 to 10, my interest in Red Widow just went from about a 6 to a 1 (which might as well be a 0).  Maybe next time, ABC . . . maybe next time.

Smart Phone

Recommendation

I recently bought the Fox and the Hound combo release from Disney's coveted vault.  It's cute.  It's pretty much exactly what I remember from watching it when I was a little kid.  The new release also includes the under-the-radar sequel, aptly named, The Fox and the Hound 2.  It actually wasn't as bad as some Disney shouldn't-haves.  The voice talent was good.

The singing was decent, too.  So I hopped over to IMDb to see who did all of the singing.  I knew Reba McEntire sang all of her own songs, but I wasn't sure if Patrick Swayze did.  Turns out he didn't.  But that's beside the point.  What I found funny in this endeavor was IMDb's recommendations for other movies I might be interested in:

Let's see:
-The original Fox and the Hound
-3 other sub-par sequels
-and . . . Venom?

Someone please connect the dots here.  What in the world do the 13 evil souls of Mr. Jangles have to do with cute, furry, talking animals and little red riding hood?  I think IMDb needs to rethink this recommendation algorithm a little.  :)

Here's the link if you want to see it yourself:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465997/

Room of Requirement

In honor of Harry Potter this week, I'd like to share a photo I took at the university.  There is a junk room in the environmental science building with one glass wall that someone thought they'd be funny and hang this sign on.  If you've ever read any of the Harry Potter books, you'll appreciate this.  I got a kick out of it.  :)

Blind Date

Here's a bad setup:

I don't usually post one-liners, but this one was funny.  (And, I'm kind of short on time this week.)  Happy Wednesday everyone! 

PS:  Hope you all survived the tornadoes!  We were watching Pirates: On Stranger Tides and the theatre made us all go out into the halls to wait out the storm . . . ultimately, our movie started 2 hours late.  Boo!  Our date night turned into a late night.

Rango

Rango

To begin, please pardon the dust.  I am slowly, but surely, redesigning and reorganizing Dry Humor Daily.

Now. . . If you watched the Golden Globes last night, you probably saw a preview for this:

First of all . . . WTF?

Second, what are they really pitching?  Johnny Depp or the most-likely-very-forgettable-flop-of-a-movie?  Allow me to shed some historical light on the subject.  If the font size of the main voice actor's name is aaaaaaaaalmost as big as the title of the film, it can't be good.  Why?  Probably because the same portion of the budget for the movie went towards paying that actor (even though that's a joke, it's probably not far off).  That typically means the producers have to cut corners in other places, like screenplay, directing, or marketing.  Judging by how early they're advertising Rango, I'll bet they didn't cut the budget in marketing.  Get where this is going?

(Don't get me wrong, I actually appreciate Johnny Depp as an actor.  I think he acted his resume very well.)

My advice would be to let your five closest friends see it first (no, facebook friends don't count).  And if that never happens, you can check this off of your definitely-do-not-see list.  (You could probably even skip putting it on your list.)

I do have one good thing to say about Rango, though.  Thank goodness it's not in 3-D.

Inception

Inception


Opinions are fun!  I have my own, and I enjoy sharing it, but I also enjoy reading others, especially if it can be found on MSN.com.  (Because they're usually so bad easy to pick on.)  The article I found the other day was something along the lines of, "10 Worst Movies in 2010."  The author opened by admitting that it's hardly fair for an individual to decide what the ten worst movies of the year were, but they were getting paid so they did it anyway.  (And who are we kidding, we would find and bash ten crappy movies for a paycheck, too, right?)

I was reading along in the article and anticipated seeing a few that I did, like "The Last Song" and "Backup Plan."  Two movies appeared, however, that I have to publicly disagree with: Kick Ass and Inception.

I'm not going to say much about Kick Ass, other than I enjoyed it and I thought it was original.  The author of the MSN article, however, was appalled by its vulgarity and general distaste.  (If you've seen the movie, you know what they're talking about.)  I told Mandalyn about it.  She also disagreed with the article and added, "well, it's not like you find Kick Ass in the family section at the store."  I couldn't have put it better myself.

Now, Inception.  Am I the only crazy person who really likes this movie?  I think the effects were great, the story is complex (but follow-able), and the acting is good, too.  Bottom line: I could watch Inception a few more times and still understand more of it.

The author of the article didn't like Inception because of the "One last job" story line.  Okay.  I get it.  A lot of movies do this.  But if you think about it, would you really want to see a movie about an every-day-sort-of-job or a fourth-from-last-job?  Probably not.  He also thought Inception was unnecessarily prolonged with the third and fourth levels of dreams.  Whereas it was indeed a long film, I believe it was all necessary.  That being said (and without spoiling anything for anyone), I could have done without the last 15 seconds.  But in the grand scheme of things, what's 15 seconds compared to almost two and a half hours?

So after reading the article, I would agree on 8 of the "10 Worst" accounts.  Don't bother with the likes of Jonah Hex and Sex and the City 2.  Do, however, make time for Inception and Kick Ass.

Stranger Than Fiction

Stranger Than Fiction


I decided to cap the year with some of my favorite examples of dry humor.  So to continue from yesterday, I'd like to present the film: Stranger Than Fiction:

You might be thinking, "Will Farrell?  Really? Are you kidding?"  Don't worry.  This is, without a doubt, my favorite role he has ever acted.  When you take a comedian and put him/her in a serious role, it is almost guaranteed to be dry humor.  (I don't have a good explanation as to why, it just happens.)  Well, Will Farrell is great as Harold Crick in Stranger Than Fiction.  He is the painfully inept soul of an IRS auditor.  It is masterfully dry humor.  I highly recommend this film.

The following is an expert from a dialogue between Will Farrell (the IRS auditor) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (the small business owner).  It still makes me laugh:

Harold Crick:   It says, in the file, that you only paid for part of your taxes for last year.

Ana Pascal:      That’s right.

Harold Crick:   Looks like only 78 percent.

Ana Pascal:      Yep.

Harold Crick:   So you did it on purpose?

Ana Pascal:      Yep.

Harold Crick:   So you must’ve been expecting an audit.

Ana Pascal:      Um, I was expecting a fine, or a sharp reprimand.

Harold Crick:   A reprimand?  This isn’t boarding school, Miss Pascal.  You stole from the government.

(Harold pesters Ana more here, but I’m trying to keep the post within reasonable length.)

Ana Pascal:      Listen, I'm a big supporter of fixing potholes and erecting swing sets and building shelters. I am *more* than happy to pay those taxes. I'm just not such a big fan of the percentage that the government uses for national defense, corporate bailouts, and campaign discretionary funds. So, I didn't pay those taxes. I think I sent a letter to that effect with my return. 

Harold Crick:   Would it be the letter that beings "Dear Imperialist Swine"? 

                        If this isn't funny just from reading it, then you might try watching the movie (after all, if you recall from yesterday, dry humor is all in the delivery).  

                        There is another scene (which I do not have the dialogue for) in which Emma Thompson asks a nurse at the hospital where all of the dead people who won't get better are located.  It is also very funny in context.  

                        Again, I highly recommend the movie Stranger Than Fiction for a good dose of dry humor.  (I think I'm going to watch my DVD right now, as a matter of fact.)  :-)

Repo Men

Repo Men


This is something I've never done on Dry Humor Daily: a movie review.  Mandalyn and I watch a lot of movies. Most of them are "okay" or "cute."  Some are sadly a waste of time.  But every once in a while, we still come across a good one.  When that happens, I like to tell people.  So I thought, why not post about it?  Now, if I would truly recommend a movie, I think I'll start spreading the word here.

Obviously, there are a ton of many great movies out there, but I promise not to post about all of them.  I'll just make this a starting point and only bring up films from here on out.

So let's talk about Repo Men:

I really enjoyed Repo Men.  It took me about a day to mull it over in my head (like most good movies).  The more I thought about this one, the more I liked it.  It was an original premise, but a classic storyline, and it had a good twist which was predictable, but good enough to satisfy even the veteran moviegoer.  

So what do the Repo Men repossess?  (If you don't know, don't worry.  I didn't realize the answer to this question before watching the movie, either.)  I'll paraphrase a quote from Jude Law's character for you:

"If you don't pay for your car, the bank takes it back.  If you don't pay for your house, the bank takes it back.  If you don't pay for your liver, well...that's where I come in."

Sound gruesome?  It is.  So if you're okay with "grisly images" (as the MPAA so delicately describes it), then you can consider watching it.  (It's rated R, by the way.)  Why did I like it?  Well, the acting is good.  The special effects are convincing enough.  And the setting is timeless. In other words, this movie will still be good twenty years from now.  One more thing I really appreciated.  The concept of repossessing organs was played off very well in the film.  It was kind of like Benjamin Button getting younger in his movie.  No one really asked any questions.  He was just getting younger.  In Repo Men, they showed up and shanked clients for their artificial organs if they were 96+ days late on payments.  No questions asked.  It was just a fact of post-organ-transplant-life.  Well done.

Has anyone else seen this movie?  Do you agree?  I'd love to know.  :)

...And Rachel McAdams Wears Prada, Too

. . . And Rachel McAdams Wears Prada, Too

This was not by any means intentional.  The TV was on (I wasn’t really watching it) and a trailer played for an upcoming romantic comedy.  Guess who wrote it:

(If you read yesterday’s post, it wouldn’t be all that hard to guess…)

I could hardly believe my ears.  I was just making fun of how silly it sounded to promote a movie by flaunting its screenwriters.  Lo and behold!  Here comes a movie called Morning Glory.  (Boy howdy, they are reeeeeeeeeally proud of the work they did on The Devil Wears Prada!) 

To be completely honest, Morning Glory stars Harrison Ford (usually worth seeing) and Rachel McAdams (always worth seeing ;)), and I wouldn’t be totally against watching it.  Even though I’m a guy and this movie is a romantic comedy, it’s still a romantic comedy.  Who can say "no" to comedy?  Right?  (I'll keep telling myself that.)

You know, Prada has deep roots in American film making, as well.  It's no surprise that marketers flash it around every chance they get.  I believe that in this case, it has finally come full circle, too.  Remember Star Wars?  Harrison Ford was in that, too (as a youngin', of course).  Who else was in Star Wars?  Darth Vader.  Any idea what kind of boots Vader was wearing?  That's right:

Only Choice

Only Choice

For the last few nights, we've been watching the Lord of the Rings movies.  I watched them once when they first came out and never revisited them.  I never read the novels, so when the movies were released, I wasn't overly excited.  I saw them because I knew Lord of the Rings was a big deal and the films were sure to be Epic. And they certainly were.  (They also made a sensation out of director Peter Jackson.  Even though many scenes from the trilogy were visually stunning, the directing really wasn't anything special.)

Anyway, the part of the movie I'm about to refer to doesn't have to do with directing.  It actually concerns the screenplay.  Recall the scene in the Fellowship of the Ring (if you've seen it) where the fellowship is being formed.  The secret council is trying to decide how (or who) to dispose of the "one ring."  The camera zooms in on the lead elf, Elrond, and he declares emphatically:

"We have only one choice!"

(He's talking about how Frodo has to take the ring to Mount Doom.)

(Yes, that's the creepy agent guy from the Matrix.)

Now, I've posted about oxymorons before and they should never, EVER be ignorantly inserted into such a well-respected series like Lord of the Rings.  "One choice?"  Not really much of a choice, is it?  If there is only one option, then there is no choosing to do.  Duh.  I understand that whoever wrote that line was just trying to be dramatic, but it was poorly executed.

What Elrond should have said was, "We have no choice!"  It's just as dramatic yet grammatically inoffensive.

The rumor is that The Hobbit might soon become a film, made by the same folks.  (I actually did read that one.)  So . . . if anyone knows the decision makers over there, let 'em know you know a good screenplay writer (at least, a better one).  :)

Tuesday 8/31

Tired of Twilight


I've been tired of the twilight bonanza since before I even really knew what it was.  Its following is only growing and the longer it goes on, the more ridiculous the new stories surrounding it become.  Here's a tip-top example is saw yesterday:

A push-up challenge with Taylor Lautner?  Really?  At this point, they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for material.  I have a better challenge:  I challenge anyone to care . . .

Tuesday 6/22

Ad Overload

Product placements annoy me.  There was a time when they were more subliminal and appropriately worked into TV and films.  Nowadays, networks and film producers slap brand marks and logos every place they possibly can for an extra buck.  

It’s everywhere!  For example, Coca-Cola, AT&T, and Ford have all paid millions to co-star in American Idol.  (Yes, co-star).  And do you remember “You’ve Got Mail,” where Tom Hanks meets Meg Ryan?  It should really be called “When AOL meets Starbucks.”  The movie is actually named after AOL’s claim-to-fame tagline and in one scene, Tom Hanks gives you exact instructions on how to order a latte at Starbucks (along with how confidence-building it can be).

Do you think GM helped pay for Transformers?  Um, YES!  All of the Autobots (the good robots) were GM cars.  Funnier still, Megatron (the main antagonist in the series) is a Ford Mustang.  It is laughably inappropriate. 

What movie takes the cake?  Well, have you ever seen The Island?

It’s absolutely packed with product placements, 35 of which were paid for.  Among them were Puma (pictured above), X Box, Speedo, MSN, Aquafina, NFL, Cadillac, Reebok, Budwiser, Land Rover, and so many more.  It’s kind of like watching a 136-minute ad with an Aldous Huxley-esque plot.  And you know what?  I still liked it.

How do I personally enjoy the movie experience in spite of all the blatant sponsorship out there?  In my house, we’ve made a habit of pointing them out when we see them.  It’s kind of a game.  You should try it.  You’ll see just how relentless they can be.  Test your skills on any recent James Bond movie.  Die Another Day is a good one for starters.  Enjoy!

By: S. Cole Garrett

Friday 6/18

Devilish Looks

Lately, I have been catching up on movies I’ve somehow avoided up until now.  (Either I’ve been too busy, or too young when they first came out, or not even born yet.)  Most of them I am happy to have sat down to.  Others, I wish I had continued to miss.  Well, I just watched The Devil’s Advocate.  Keanu Reeves plays the southern lawyer who never looses and Al Pacino is the nefarious lord of the underworld. 

So, in usual form for me, I got to wondering (I know, that can be dangerous).  Is it a compliment to be cast as the devil?  Or is it a round-about way for someone to tell someone they have that evil look?

I’ve decided there are at least 3 different types of devils on the silver screen.  There is the kind where you paint the actor red, give him some horns and a pitch fork and voila!  Beelzebub!  It doesn’t really matter what actor you use, because you’re just using them for their voice.  (If you need a shining example, google Tim Curry in Legend.) 

Then, relating to my pondering from earlier, there are the actors cast to play the devil who walks among us.  Could you imagine being the casting director with that job: 

“Hey, Jack Nicholson, you have that devilish grin.  Wanna be Satan?  We’re doing The Witches of Eastwick.  It’s a hell of an opportunity!”

“Hi, Robert DeNiro.  We need a Prince of Darkness for Angel Heart.  You in?  Come on, Mickey Rourke already said yes!”

“Psst, Al Pacino.  We need a Lucifer for The Devil’s Advocate.  You can even keep your New York accent.  Whaddya say?”  Then he throws his arms up and says, “When do I start?”

I said there was a third type of devil in movies.  It’s a special type which we definitely need more of (See Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled).  One per year would be nice! J

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday 6/8

Blogger was down much of the day, yesterday, so I was never able to get around to posting.  (Their server must have hit the 'snooze' button one too many times.)  But here's today's:

Wet Roads

I was watching one of my favorite movies recently and something caught my eye.  The good guys were chasing the bad guy down an alley (classic, huh?), and I noticed the pavement was all wet.  It hadn’t been raining, though.  I turned to my girlfriend and made a comment about it.  Her response was something along the lines of:

“Well, duh.  Streets are always wet in movies.  Everybody knows that.”

Well, everybody but me.  And you know what?  She’s right.

(It took a long time to find this picture, by the way.  It’s not a very search-friendly set of keywords.)  Now I can’t sit through a movie without looking for the doused driveways and soaked streets.  Wet roads are just a bit of movie know-how that has never reached me until now. 

The more I notice it, the more I realize just how much better certain scenes are with a sheet of water on the road.  Foot chases are better when feet go splashing through puddles.  Car chases are enhanced with some slipping and sliding (maybe some extra crashing, too).  And the bright-lit streets of New York just look good soaked.  (I think New York is the wettest city in showbiz.) 

So keep an eye out.  If you’re like me, you won’t be able to help but to see it (and expect it) every time you watch a movie. 

By: S. Cole Garrett

Wednesday 5/12

Thrifty

Below is a conversation from one of my favorite movies.  In this scene, an IRS agent is auditing the owner of a sweets bakery:

Harold Crick:   It says, in the file, that you only paid for part of your taxes for last year.

Ana Pascal:      That’s right.

Harold Crick:   Looks like only 78 percent.

Ana Pascal:      Yep.

Harold Crick:   So you did it on purpose?

Ana Pascal:      Yep.

Harold Crick:   So you must’ve been expecting an audit.

Ana Pascal:      Um, I was expecting a fine, or a sharp reprimand.

Harold Crick:   A reprimand?  This isn’t boarding school, Miss Pascal.  You stole from the government.

(Harold pesters Ana more here, but I’m trying to keep the post within reasonable length.)

Ana Pascal:      Listen, I'm a big supporter of fixing potholes and erecting swing sets and building shelters. I am *more* than happy to pay those taxes. I'm just not such a big fan of the percentage that the government uses for national defense, corporate bailouts, and campaign discretionary funds. So, I didn't pay those taxes. I think I sent a letter to that effect with my return. 

Harold Crick:   Would it be the letter that beings "Dear Imperialist Swine"? 

Well, I saw this the other day, which is what made me think of the movie in the first place:

(Yep, that’s Haltom City, Texas.)  Let’s play a little question and answer.

Could this officer arrest someone and haul them away in the back seat?  No.

Could Haltom City Police afford two patrol cars for the price of that one?  Probably.

Is this car good for anything other than chasing down speeders and looking cool?  Not likely.

Are there hundreds of better ways to spend our tax dollars (like fixing roads and building parks)?  Yes.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Friday 4/2

Movie Night

“I’d like to see [Insert movie title here] in 3-D at 7:30, please.”  The gentleman in front of me pulled out his wallet and the box office attendant punched a few buttons on her computer.

She leaned forward into the microphone.  “Fourteen dollars,” she said.

“Oh, no, just one ticket, please.”  The man was very polite, trying to correct the girl behind the glass.

“Yes sir, that’s fourteen dollars,” she smiled.

Then it hit him and his jaw dropped.  He reeled it in and reluctantly handed her a twenty.  She quickly returned him his ticket and six dollars.  He walked away and looked at his six dollars like he had just sold his soul to the devil.  He shook his head and walked into the theater. 

Take a minute and think about what you could do with fourteen bucks.  Better yet, imagine you were taking someone to the movies and it was twenty-eight instead.  Don’t worry about the keg of soda and the dump truck of popcorn you might buy once you get inside.  That’s for another day.

Just let it sink in . . .

Unless they start handing out bars of gold with those 3-D movie tickets, I probably won’t be going to see too many of them, if any.  There’s a local rental store where you can rent two movies for one dollar (and they’re not that old.  There are plenty on those shelves that I meant to get around to watching and still haven’t).  I could see fifty-six movies with that same twenty-eight dollars.  (Ok, if you really want to be technical, which I usually am, I could only rent fifty-one movies if you calculate taxes.)  It would take me three months to watch that many! 

I’m not saying you should forever forgo the nostalgia of the theater.  I’m just saying maybe you should consider all your options before forking over a fifty on a Friday night.

Clearly, the premium you pay for a 3-D movie ticket is for the experience.  Sure, it’s a sense-adventure, but there’s still the crawling-over-people and who-forgot-to-turn-off-their-cell-phone-? that, personally, I can do without.  So make it a movie night at home and save a buck (or lots of bucks!)

By: S. Cole Garrett

3/23/10