Wednesday 5/5

Lucky

Can you go an entire day without using an acronym?  No, probably not.  We live in a world absolutely, positively overflowing with them.  For example, most web addresses start with “www,” which is the world wide web (I’m hoping you already knew that).  (Oh, and if you’re trying to think of an acronymless website without the “www,” think again, because they still start with “http” which stands for Hypertext Transfer Protocol.)  If you even think about the military, you’ll probably run into an acronym or two . . . thousand.  The military has so many that they even have an acronym for their acronyms: they have what are called TLAs, or Three Letter Acronyms.  Us non-militaries use G2G and LOL in our texts and twitter tweets so we can squeeze in every possible phrase, emotion, and reaction.  Or maybe because we’re just lazy. 

There’s a good chance you have one in your own daily vocabulary.  If you don’t, well you probably hear at least one daily.  Well, here’s one you definitely should know . . .

. . .because obviously the Texas Department of Transportation forgot to take this one out of the to-be-rejected-from-randomly-generated-license-plate-numbers.  (I only wish I were lucky enough to have gotten plates like these on my own car.  This picture is of a vehicle that was idling in front of me at a red light, one day.)  So who missed this?  And what are the odds? 

First, off, perhaps no one missed excluding WTF from six-digit texas license plates because they started being stamped over 30 years ago, before WTF meant anything.  And it’s not like anyone was going to go back and change any of them (we Texans don’t like change).  What you randomly get is what you randomly get.  Period.

So what are the odds?  Worse, mathematically speaking, now that Texas issues seven-digit plates.  Cross all the fingers you’ve got, because your chances are about one in ten thousand (not too bad, compared to the lottery).  Trust me, I crunched the numbers.  Too bad, huh?

What’s the best way to get your favorite acronym on you car?  Find the right bumper sticker…

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday 5/4

Poor Placement

I had a delayed reaction walking down the aisle at the grocery store the other day.  I glanced over at a Tyson promotional display and noticed a package of fully-cooked Hickory Smoked bacon.  Hmm... , I thought, whaddya know.  Bacon that doesn’t need to be refrigerated.  After about eight more steps I thought, Ew! Bacon that doesn’t need to be refrigerated!?  I immediately turned around and marched back to the display.  I picked one up and examined the bag.  I shook it like I was trying to figure out what was in a Christmas present.  The piggy strips jumbled around inside.  I probably looked like an idiot, but I was amazed. 

Now, I don’t know that I’ve ever purchased bacon to cook for myself so I admit my inexperience in the bacon realm.  Maybe this stuff has been around for a while.  (Seems kind of lazy, if you ask me.  But then again, bacon is a pain in the butt to cook and it takes forever.)  No sooner than I came to grips with the product in my hands, I realized exactly which aisle I had just marched back down in disbelief.  These two things were right next to each other:

Yep.  If I wanted to, I could buy fabric softener, laundry detergent, toilet paper, a mop, and bacon all in the same aisle.  I’m no expert, but wouldn’t bacon sell better in the bacon aisle, or at least next to the cheese, refrigerated bagels, sausages, etc.?  (It’s true, I’m not an expert, but I do have a degree in marketing and I seem to recall a chapter in some book about placing similar products next to each other in the store.)  I mean, if I smell Spring Breeze and Lavender and Fresh Linen aromas, I don’t get a hankerin’ for some bacon. 

A while ago (April 7, if you need to go back and read), I wrote an article about how there’s always someone who has to decide where things go in a store.  They don’t just magically appear there.  Well, that someone needs to wake up and smell the bacon!

By: S. Cole Garrett

Monday 5/3

Too, Also

Let’s get one thing straight: I don’t watch Oprah.  It is, however, usually on the TV when I get home from work.  Therefore, I often overhear what’s being said, and who’s the guest, and all that jazz.  Well one day last week, I was within earshot of Oprah interviewing Rielle Hunter.  (Rielle Hunter, in case you aren’t aware, is the woman John Edwards had an affair with before everything went downhill for him.)  (John Edwards, also in case you need a refresher, was a contender for the Democratic presidential candidacy before Obama beat him out.)  This is by no means an exact quote from the interview, but the general idea is there.  Once you get past all the “Love conquers all” and the “Hearts speak louder than minds” crap Rielle Hunter was blinking on about, you’ll find the real benign essence of her dialogue.

Oprah:  Do you admit to it being a mistake that you were the subject of John Edwards cheating on his wife, Elizabeth?

Reille:  First of all, we love each other.  That being said, it was a mistake that I will never repeat again.

Throughout the entire interview, anyone with a brain could see how full of crap Rielle Hunter is.  She dodges almost every question.  She blinks a lot (which could, in fact, be natural, but when you’re trying not to like someone, it’s easy to hold it against them.)  She had to concentrate on looking straight at Oprah to answer questions.  She still refuses to admit a relationship.  She admitted how sneaky she had been.  She blinks a lot (did I already say that?).  Anyway, leave it to me to pick out the un-obvious here.  She hit on one of my personal pet peeves.  She said, (and this is a direct quote) “… I will never repeat again.”

Repeat again?  Those two words basically mean the same thing. 

Repeat = do something again.

Again   = repeat.

Hmm…  People do this all the time and in my opinion, it’s ignorant.  It’s like saying something is enormously big!  That’s just an adjective describing an adjective (an ad-adjective, I suppose).  Here’s another one for you, “sopping wet.”  Well, if something is sopping, isn’t it implicitly wet?  How about a “news report?”  A report could be anything, but news is always a report, right?  We can’t stop silly things from being said (especially on TV), but we can definitely be cautious of saying them ourselves!  So next time you’re about to say something twice, but with two different words so you sound smarter, try using a period, instead.  Your dignity will thank you.

By: S. Cole Garrett