Friday 7/16

BP Put a Cork In It

Congratulations, BP.  You’ve officially made a viable attempt to stop oil from spewing into the Gulf of Mexico.  And in American fashion, they outsourced the plug’s construction!

Oh, and according to BP, “this is not the time to celebrate.”  That’s code for “We’re not even sure if it’s going to work!”

By: S. Cole Garrett

Thursday 6/17

Oil Still

America lives on disasters.  It’s a vicious cycle.  A disaster or an outbreak occurs, followed by some degree of panic.  Then, all the blaming fingers start pointing.  Then we realize it’s probably no one entity’s fault.  Things start to settle and we all forget we were even worried.  Finally, we twiddle our thumbs until the next round.  It’s sickeningly benign, in retrospect.

Unless you’re living under a rock, you’re obviously aware of the currently clamored-about catastrophe: the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  (It’s more like an oil spew if you ask me.  I mean, see for yourself.)

Right now, America is somewhere between panic and pointing fingers.  Today, a BP executive is being grilled in a congressional hearing.  Also, I’ve been hearing a lot of this, lately: “Gas prices are going to be increasing as a result of this.”  (That’s the panic part.)

First of all, BP CEO Tony Hayward is in the congressional hot seat today.  Poor guy.  I understand that he’s responsible, in a way, for all of the going-ons within his company, but I don’t think all of the grilling he’s going to get in the hearing is going to solve the problem.  (They’ve already got Kevin Costner and his oil separating machines on the job, what more could they want?  Miley Cyrus cleaning seagulls?)

And, everyone needs to stop worrying about gas prices.  Removing the oil production of the Gulf of Mexico from America’s oil portfolio (or portf-oil-io) would make an unnoticeable dent in our supply.  Gas prices are only going to up this summer because, well, it’s summer.  It happens every summer, in case you haven’t noticed (especially around Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day, the usual price hike holidays.)

It could be worse.  If the oil refineries on shore had blown up or something, then we’d be in trouble and walking to work.

By: S. Cole Garrett

Tuesday 6/1

Experts

I know you’re probably sick of hearing about the oil spill, but hey, it’s kind of close to home.  So I thought I’d take a stab at it.  First off, oil spills are not funny.  Second, the subsequent destruction of wildlife and natural habitats isn’t funny either.  However, the reporters who get stuck covering the story who don’t know the first thing about a disaster like this are funny. 

Here’s a picture of what the oil spill looked like on the news just after an attempt was made to patch it:

The reporter on the local news said:

“Experts say that what’s still leaking is either oil, mud, or a mixture of both.”

Oh really?  Well I’m an expert, too, then.  I’m pretty sure it’s not kool-aid spewing out of there!  I realize that the reporter was probably just reading from a teleprompter, but I’m not sure he even realized how goofy it sounded.  If he did, then he sure can keep a straight face!  Either way, he shouldn’t quit his day job.

Take the reporter out of the equation for a second.  Some writer still wrote that and some editor still missed it.  And did an expert really say that?  Are there really experts on this?  Anyway, I’m sure the news stations have tough jobs and they can’t get everything right, but come on!  Let’s leave those mistakes to the weather man.

By: S. Cole Garrett