Tow Truck

I know these trucks are for towing your car . . .

. . . but I've always kind of thought they look like they're for crucifying your car.

(I can't help but sing "Always  Look on the Bright Side of Life" in my head when I see them.)

Ideal

Saw this on a box of hot chocolate mix:

"Ideal For: offices, restaurants, schools, & home!"

Sounds to me like it's ideal for, well, just about everywhere!  That begs the question, where isn't it ideal?  The international space station?  If you're going to waste valuable marketing space on your packaging, you might as well waste it all:

"Ideal For: offices, restaurants, schools, home, airports, day cares, block parties, cruises, children's birthdays, weddings,  bar mitzvahs, wine tastings, jungle tours, baby showers, jury deliberation, and of course, toy and candy factories employed by either elves or small orange people, respectively."

Sauce On Side!

I came across an interesting pearl of wisdom just the other day.  We were travelling on business and one day for lunch, our client suggested a good local Chinese restaurant.  We get our drinks, order food, and chit chat.  

Well, the gentleman across from me ordered his plate of food with the soy glaze sauce on the side.  This way, he could dip his beef strips into the sauce as opposed to the meat drowning in it on his plate.  Since this was the last plate out and everyone was waiting before eating, the waiter had the whole table's attention.  I guess he felt the need to address everyone.  it went something like this:

"YOU SEE?  YOU LIVE LONG TIME, HAVE SAUCE ON SIDE!  LIKE GRANDMA, SAUCE ON SIDE!"

We kept our composure at the lunch table, but died laughing about it later.  The waiter was just so enthusiastic and sincere . . . and fit into the stereotype so perfectly.  The joke became an examination of life advice from different professionals.  Think about it.  If you ask your regular doctor how to live a long healthy life, what do they say?  Diet and exercise.  Right?  Just recently, there was a woman in Georgia who turned 116 years old.  They asked her for advice on long living and she replied that the never eats junk food and that she minds her own business.

But if you ask the Chinese restaurant waiter how to live a long, healthy life?

"SAUCE ON SIDE!  LIKE GRANDMA!  SAUCE ON SIDE!"